Getting Married for the First Time... Again! | Unreleased Episode

00:00:00:07 - 00:00:34:18
I'm getting married. I'm getting married on May 30th for the second time. My trial marriage lasted about five years, and I like to say kindly. That was the best mistake of my life. The relationship, the marriage, the divorce. It was. It was all part of a big mistake that I made. And is not to insult her so much as to acknowledge that we we weren't right for each other, but at the same time, we were right for each other at that time in my life.

00:00:34:19 - 00:01:06:02
I was perfect. My daughters will often say that they can't imagine me being married to their mother, but gratefully, gratefully. I don't know if that's the right word. Right now, I'm kind of going blank. Thankfully, she was perfect for me at that time, for that moment, as I was that young, dumb little boy met this woman who allowed me to be her partner, be her person, and create life with these two beautiful young humans, which I now call my daughters.

00:01:06:05 - 00:01:32:05
And now they're adults and they're doing crazy cool things. And between the two of them or the not the two of them, the three of them, and honestly, the other two. So between the five of them, I had two stepchildren who I love dearly. And I'm now in their life, their mother, and then ultimately my two daughters. It forced me to grow the fuck up in a way that I don't think I would have ever done.

00:01:32:06 - 00:01:53:06
I knew that I wasn't the man that I needed to be, but I didn't know what I needed to learn until there were human beings that were depending on me to stay alive, to live life well. I was committed to being a good father, to being a good husband. That didn't work very well, but to being a good father.

00:01:53:06 - 00:02:14:05
And I didn't know I wanted to be better than when I was that I what I went through. We all can probably acknowledge that that's what we all want to do. Most of us, some of you are really lucky. Good in the sense that you had parents that were in a better state of mind, well off or just more educated and more more emotionally intelligent.

00:02:14:07 - 00:02:40:29
But I wanted to do better and as hard to know what needs to be improved until it breaks, until you you break something or you create some situation situation that ultimately needs you to change some part of you, some beliefs that you may hold. And that's what the relationship did. I'll tell people that it was a great greatest education in my life.

00:02:41:02 - 00:03:00:20
To me is better than college, and I believed in myself. I truly wanted to do better, and I did everything in my capacity at the time while married to do that. But I think one thing that has become clear to me in that marriage, and I think a lot of early, early relationships, is you don't know who you are.

00:03:00:23 - 00:03:22:28
You don't even know what your values are. You don't know how to show up. You're literally, I'll say for me, I don't know you that well, but for me, I didn't know where I stood on things I had and many ways being coddled. I say that, but more. Maybe the word is more sheltered. My mother ran a tight house.

00:03:22:29 - 00:03:45:21
My father was the military within the house, and he was a disciplinarian. So I didn't know a lot of things because I wasn't allowed to experience a lot of things. And I was very protected and sheltered because they were trying to keep me from doing things to protect me, to isolate me. We had a very essentially an isolationist type of policy in the home.

00:03:45:22 - 00:04:09:12
No friends. There was no such thing as friends. We didn't go out much. We did go out some. I don't want to make it seem like we were never got out. We they allowed us to get out and play a little bit, but it was always with a really short, very short leash. So by the time in my 20s, I'm starting to explore, I'm starting to date, become sexually active because now I have full control of my body.

00:04:09:12 - 00:04:38:02
So that was something I wanted to do, because that's what what kids do once they they leave the home, they start to become promiscuous. And I was no different. I'm not going to pretend to be some high and mighty individual. I was no different, but emotionally intelligent, socially aware. I had no social skills I knew I could love, I knew I could care, but actually being a social individual and being responsible, I thought it was a responsible human.

00:04:38:02 - 00:05:03:14
And I still think I was for that time. But I wasn't responsible enough. Not enough to care for a human, a woman, care for her, her two children who are now my stepchildren and then my two. That was something I had to learn in real time. And obviously without knowing, you're going to screw things up. And I did, and I think one of the things I took away from the marriage is I didn't even know her.

00:05:03:17 - 00:05:34:24
Within a few months of meeting her, she got pregnant. I was not going to leave my baby. I was going to to raise this child. So I married her. And we did that, that that dance. But I didn't know her. She didn't know me, I didn't date, we didn't date very long. We moved in. And then from then on it was, let's see how this thing was going to work and put the best effort as we possibly can to raise these children.

00:05:34:27 - 00:05:57:00
It didn't work. We had very conflicting beliefs and approaches on manners or ways of going about it, and we didn't get along. And ultimately that was the fallout. It was just it was not meant to be. Again, this is not to diminish who she is because I am very culpable. I am very guilty in a lot of what happened.

00:05:57:00 - 00:06:15:04
So this is not this is not this type of video, but more to acknowledge that I was a little boy, she was a little girl. And we were we were doing things and a life. And I did my best to show up. But just doing my best was not enough to actually keep the relationship together. Divorced, then did the whole thing.

00:06:15:05 - 00:06:44:03
There's plenty of videos on how I've moved forward in that. Today's episode of Becoming Better Ancestors is brought to you by me. That's right Teevee the marketer founder of Rockstar Dot marketing, where we help small businesses stop being invisible and start becoming on forgettable. That's what you are. If you run a local business and you're tired of throwing money away on ads that don't work, or worse, trusting your cousin's friend who does marketing on the side, it's time to call in the pros.

00:06:44:04 - 00:07:15:01
Unknown
We do digital advertising, video marketing, AI integrations, and strategy that actually gets results. No fluff, no excuses, just ROI. Head on over to marketing. It's the real thing and let's make some marketing magic happen. But now here I am on the on the precipice of marrying my best friend. The relationship that I have with my fiancee, with my girlfriend, with my soon to be wife is something that I'm incredibly happy with.

00:07:15:08 - 00:07:39:28
Unknown
We've known each other going on seven years, we've been engaged for a little over a year, and we've been within each other's presence for for basically the whole time. I was just say six years of being consistently in each other's presence, in each other's face. And over that time, I got to know her. I got to know her intimately, and she got to know me.

00:07:39:28 - 00:08:01:08
Unknown
I got to show my full self, not the version with the mask or the one that does this show and dance and and is the always funny one, but the weak one, the soft one. In that time we got a chance to really get to know each other, and she allowed me to do that, to live fully, to be my full, honest, transparent, vulnerable self without shame.

00:08:01:08 - 00:08:34:01
Unknown
And that's for the first time in my life is something that I felt comfortable doing and vice versa. She got to unravel, reveal, unpack her own stuff. We we got to clean up the mess. We got to rewrite the stories. And it was a it's been a beautiful experience. We've had our ups and downs, but our downs are not that down because we really, really love each other in a way that I can't say I ever have felt.

00:08:34:03 - 00:08:58:11
Unknown
The fights are temporary. The the love is permanent. The desire to help and support the other is obvious. The trust is through the roof. I live by a notion with her is something that I. I asked her and I told her from the very beginning, is that if you feel jealousy or anything like that. Let's talk about it, obviously.

00:08:58:11 - 00:09:23:13
Unknown
But if you do not trust me, if there is any part of you that does not trust me or I do not trust you, then this relationship is probably doomed and we probably should break up. And that sounds really dramatic, but it's a philosophy that I believe is true. I, I will do nothing to betray that trust. Now, if there are signs that things that maybe she sees, we can talk about it.

00:09:23:13 - 00:09:43:06
Unknown
But I will do nothing to betray her trust. Because for me it is everything. It is the lifeblood of any relationship and is a lifeblood of our relationship. She has my absolute trust. I don't doubt for a moment that she loves me. I don't doubt for a moment that she doesn't have my best interest at heart. Sometimes she may rub me the wrong way.

00:09:43:06 - 00:10:14:21
Unknown
Sometimes she may say things that upset me, piss me off, anger me even. But I know that in her heart she truly loves me and she knows that I love her. So we can usually come to the table, have a heart to heart after we walk it off and have some time. But we've done this over and over again over the last 5 or 6 years, that I have 100% certainty in my heart that I'm marrying the right person and that I'm going to die in her arms.

00:10:14:23 - 00:10:36:25
Unknown
And it's been it's been a ride. I'm 50, right? She's younger. She can tell you how much younger, but she's she's much younger than I am. But for whatever reason, it works. Despite the age difference. It works. It works because the love is real. The connection is real. This is not a game for me. This is why is it kind of a game?

00:10:36:25 - 00:11:00:00
Unknown
It's a game of life, right? But it is not me trying to play with her feelings and her trying to use me. I'm no dummy anymore. I'm not that little boy anymore. So knowing how I feel about her. And honestly, I'll tell you guys I wasn't planning on ever marrying again. I wasn't. But over the years, something that became clear is that I needed to marry her.

00:11:00:01 - 00:11:22:05
Unknown
It just it just eventually happened. A friend of mine asked me while I was at his, where was I? I was at his bachelor party, coming home at the airport into loom. When he asked me, he said, hey man, why don't you just marry this woman? And right then and there. Why didn't he ask that question? It just made sense.

00:11:22:11 - 00:11:43:23
Unknown
It made so much sense. I went as far as to say, oh, there's no one in the world that rather divorce in her. I say that as a joke, but is because I feel that if it goes sideways, she would be fantastic and I we would manage it. Well, I don't see it happening though. Why? Why do we not see it happen?

00:11:43:23 - 00:12:04:08
Unknown
Why am I so naive again? Because again, we've had so much time together. We've had. And this is I'll end here. We've had time to work through our shit, through our stuff, through our trauma, through all the crap that we've been through, through the stories that we that help create us, that may no longer serve us. We sit with it.

00:12:04:09 - 00:12:25:20
Unknown
We ask why? Why is this true? Why does this upset me? Why? Why is this annoying me? It's not you, it's me. It's that classic line. But it is. It sounds, you know, so annoying. But if something annoys me, and I know in my heart that she loves me and is not, it doesn't have bad intentions. And why does it annoy me?

00:12:25:22 - 00:12:45:04
Unknown
We dig to that, we dig into that. We excavate, we. We pull it all out. We unpack it, we reveal it. We reveal the truth. And when we reveal it, we understand why it exists and we're able to talk about it. And that is only possible with this woman, because she truly has a love for me, and I truly have a love for her.

00:12:45:07 - 00:13:19:15
Unknown
We can have these conversations that are tough, that are painful. We've shared so many tears, so many stories, so much trauma that has to had to be understood. And then rewriting of those stories. I'm getting married to this woman and I am so excited to call her my wife. Give me a second. I'm getting emotional.

00:13:19:18 - 00:13:47:00
Unknown
I'm excited to live this next part of my life with her and to see what we create. I create some life. We're definitely going to create some other life. We're going to create a lot of love and leave a lot of stories, create new stories and live them out, share them. And there's a fantastic future, even in this fucking crazy world as we see it today.

00:13:47:00 - 00:14:24:07
It's scary if there's no other person in the world that I'd rather build a life with and live this little timeline, this join timeline than with her. I guess this is just a very, very long love poem. Love, peace, love. Note to my partner, to my lover, to my best friend, to my my road dog, my person, my, I love you, I love Carlotta, and I love all the versions of you.

00:14:24:07 - 00:15:00:18
All the parts of you that make you. You love all of you. Every part has a role and a purpose, and I'm here for it all. Cheers to you guys. Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. My prayers and my hopes are that you find your person, that you find your way. But I'll tell you this, this is the very last thing I'll leave on, is you have to fix you before you go find someone that will love you just as much, or at least get closer to a truer version of you.

00:15:00:20 - 00:15:26:28
Because love is an inside job. Loving yourself is where it starts understanding yourself. Another person can't love you enough if you are lovable. If you don't feel that you are lovable, if you're in, feel that you can fix those parts of yourself or at least remedy them, correct them, understand them, and correct them might be a bit much, but understand them so you can start adapting and changing your beliefs and the stories related to them.

00:15:27:00 - 00:15:49:20
Only when I was finally willing and open to doing those things did she show up and did I? Was I ready to become the man, this man, this new man that was ready to actually be a good husband and provide and do all the things necessary?

00:15:49:23 - 00:16:17:28
It's an exciting time for me. So nervous time for me. The wedding itself has pulled out a lot of stuff within the families. Her family and my family are families, our friends, the expectations, the traditions, the distances and the that's and the. There's been a crazy, crazy ride. I love you guys. I love her family. I love my family, and I look forward to the next phase of my life.

00:16:17:28 - 00:16:37:05
Thank you for listening. If you found this useful, please share it with someone. Feel free to reach out to me. Ask me any questions. I'm always open to conversations within reason. I am a busy man. I have a lot of things going on, but hey, feel free to reach out. Let me know what you think. Feel free to contradict.

00:16:37:07 - 00:16:56:12
Feel free to let me know if you don't agree with my approach. That's cool too, especially YouTubers. You guys have a lot of things to say. So until next time, my name is Teevee. This is the Becoming Better Ancestor show and see you soon I'll be Mr. and with Mr. and Mrs. IRA. Bye bye.