“Get To” vs “Have To”: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

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Hello beautiful people. My name is Teevee host of the Becoming Better Ask Sister show and today we have the one and only Doctor Matthew around and I hope I said that I am sorry for the conductor, leadership coach, bestselling author, and the kind of person that makes you, the rest of us, feel like we might be just being lazy.

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He's taught on four continents that he founded up the global train CEOs and how to lead with joy, and still somehow finds time to be a high school band director. That when I found that little detail out, I was blown away. Like what? You're still doing that? Oh, and he lives with a sugar glider named flash. I actually have to look that up.

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Like, what's a sugar claim and why is this important? But, because he he just has to. I get this just the thing. Curious to hear about how that ended up in the family. So welcome to the show, Matthew. I'm so grateful to have you. Yeah. It's great to be here. Teevee. Yeah. It's awesome. Can't wait for our conversation.

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Yeah. When we when we first met and we did a little one on one, to just get to know each other, afterwards, we both thought, like, maybe we should have just recorded this conversation because we hit it off. The conversation flowed. We were in and out. It was fantastic. It. But, we're here today, and we're going to dig in a little deeper and we're going to have another fantastic conversation.

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So thank you. Thank you again. So let's start off with and by the way, I'm going to share a little, insight into this particular episode. In the past, I usually ask the individuals to introduce themselves and that's great. But then they go for like ten minutes and they share things that I would have loved to have picked at and shared, you know, through the conversation.

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Like, I gotta change it up. So I'm changing it up, just so you know. So as we have our conversation, you'll share your insights, your knowledge, your wisdom. Because otherwise you go in, people go, and you can't help. They're like, please stop me. I actually have people telling me, please stop mean. Welcome to the show. So let's start off this, the show, by asking, if in your life you had a theme song, and every time you walked into a room and played, what would it be and why would it be eye of the Tiger?

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Oh. But that. Why would it be eye of the Tiger? Well, I'll tell you what. First of all, I'm a huge Rocky fan. Yes. And I and I love, the underdog. I love underdog stories. Right. Overcoming and the. So. Yeah. So I think that's why I'm a huge fan, but I also, I think, like when you have the eye of the tiger, you're just you're purpose driven.

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You know, you have your eye on making a difference and, and making a positive change in the world. And so you just got to stay the course, like, have, fire in your eye. So it's a great way to live. Yeah. I actually taught a my girls are, 22 and 20 now. My daughters, and I think there were like 11 or 12 when I pulled that up.

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I said you had to know this song, and I it and sing it. When we go to bars, there's no player like my girls know the eyes. I guess like a classic underdog song. You. It's it's rocky. Come on. Let's let's get with the program. So they ever hit rock bottom? I'm just going to crank that baby up and off and running we go.

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Yeah, I love it. Let's go. Which brings me to music. A large part of your identity, your career, your who you are, your identity, revolves around music. When did you first discover that music was this very powerful thing in your life? And how did it continue? Has how has it continued to become that? Yeah, I think music just brought me joy from a really young age, just period.

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So I remember just making up songs and singing at the top of my lungs and I started writing lyrics to songs when I was five years old, you know, started my own rock band. I was the only member at first. I just played a tennis racket with my guitar, but I would sing my heart out, you know, and then started piano lessons.

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And I started learning the saxophone when I was nine and fell in love with, fell in love with jazz and improvization. And that became a really important part of my life. And, yeah, I got to play with Dizzy Gillespie. Well, it was in high schools. Really amazing opportunities. Toured Japan with the Monterey Jazz Festival, high school All-Star jazz Group band and just had some amazing opportunities.

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Unknown
And then I decided, this is, you know, what I want to do with my life. So I went to Lawrence University, where I teach now and pursued music education and performance. And also sidebar, I also did a government major to those interested in other things as well, but I became a high school band director and middle school band director in Colorado.

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Unknown
I taught for 15 years in Colorado teaching public schools and then did a doctorate degree in conducting. As I fell in love with conducting, just absolutely love that energetic connection with the musicians. When you're a conductor and the the the art of creation. And then I moved to the university which smile the mater in 2014. So just wrapped up 11 years, conducting the band at Lawrence University and heading up the music education department.

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Unknown
So music is just like in my heart and in my soul, I get it. I've met people like you, and it's always been a fascinating thing to witness. Actually, I have a friend who. Whose entire family are band nerds, and, like, his daughter, is already a director at some school. His son just graduated. I think he's been pegged to be a director at another school.

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Unknown
So. Wow. What draws people to that kind of culture? That kind of job? Because it's it's a very tough job to try to lead so many young people to do something in unison. While also watching. But. Right, I, I watched them. I was visiting this kind of play with that. I was visiting a client of mine, did some videos, and she showed me her daughter doing a dance performance.

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Unknown
She's eight, but they did such a good job, and I'm blown away by how in unison and on time they were at eight years old, I'm thinking, oh, that's great, but I'm just as impressed with the instructor and the teacher to get them to nail that. So, back to you. How do you guys work with that? How do you what draws you to this type of career?

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Unknown
One, I think for sure. Music is our passion and love. Many of us have had music teachers that have inspired us. So it's a way of like wanting to give back. Almost like, we. Our life was changed by music educators. So you know, we want to impact people through that. And, there's, there's something really special.

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Unknown
And I think it's part of any teaching, but that those moments that happen with students when things click and they're like, and then they get it. Or I like the challenge when you start to rehearse a piece of music and at first, you know, it's not quite fitting together. Right? But as you work on on the rhythms and the harmony, the balance and the blend and the tone and the emotion and feeling, it just comes together, it's become this inspirational musical experience that can not only impact the conductor and the musicians, but also impacts the listener, right?

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Unknown
And the audience. And it's kind of like circuitry of, of electric currents, of, of energy that happens. And, and I think that's a really big reward. It's just so you're like hunting or waiting for those moments where those kids light bulbs come on like, oh, I get it. Oh, I get it. And they my daughter's was a band.

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Unknown
She was a drum major in high school for like junior and senior year. So it became her entire life. And there was moments when I know she would come to me. She's like, I finally understand this thing, that the director, I forgot his name, not to mention him, but that he she finally got certain concepts or certain ideas that he's been trying to impart on her.

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Unknown
So I hadn't considered that, like just being there. It's fulfilling for you as the as the instructor, I would say, you know, I think it's there's a lot of parallels between, I'm sure, being a parent and being a teacher. Right. And and so my wife and I, we don't have children. I know you do. We have we have two dioxins and a sugar glider.

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Unknown
But I imagine that as a parent, you know, there's this moments when you see, like, your children, you know, go through those different levels of discovery and maturity that just, you know, has to make you proud. You know, that you can say like, yeah, I, I influenced that or led them to have these experiences that led to this level of discovery for them, it must be rewarding to.

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Unknown
Absolutely. That's a great point. And put that together. But is an absolute joy to witness in those moments when they, they'll even sometimes they say, sometimes I want hey, dad, you remember that thing you taught me? Or you told me. It's so true. You remember you told me that, Jonathan, that that little boy was,

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Unknown
I told you he was just a friend, and you're like, no, I think he's. He. Once he wants a little more with you. I think he's interested in leading lights. No, dad. Five years later, you were right. Yeah, yeah, you were right, dad. How did you know, dad? Because I used to be Jonathan. I used to be the little kid.

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Unknown
But moments like that are, definitely intoxicating. To this day, even as adults, it happens a lot. And honestly, now it happens in a way that they don't even know that that was my idea that I planted in them when they were ten. Now they're 20. Dad, did you know that X, Y, and Z. I did actually, but you can you can own that.

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Unknown
It's my, it's it's, on the parenting side, sometimes you get creative, sometimes you don't, it's okay. You get to. Yeah. Moving on. Big question. Because it ties into a lot of what you do as well and with the band and with what you do on the side because you have a side gig. That's some basses gig.

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Unknown
Yeah. That's pretty impressive. So the big question I like to start off with is what is your definition of leadership? Yeah, I like to share that leadership is inspiring and encouraging others to achieve their full potential. And interesting backstory on that definition is I started what we ended up calling a leadership symposium when I was a high school band director with my students, and we started meeting once a week and training on different leadership principles, and also just having discussions about what kind of band we wanted to create.

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Unknown
And, my students and I collaboratively came up with that definition, for leadership. And that was almost 20 years ago, believe it or not. You know, we're in collaboration of a high school band students, so it's really neat that it still resonates with me. This idea that when you inspire somebody or you encourage someone that's truly an act of leadership.

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Unknown
And, I think part of it is also as a leader, we're trying to inspire people to, you know, achieve their full potential. And I that begins with, of course, the leaders belief. And, and I like to say people's unlimited potential and the leader's belief totally impacts what others can achieve. And I think that's really exciting.

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Unknown
As beautiful as, the fact that it came from or in collaboration with your students is, is pretty, pretty impressive. Yeah. I, I can appreciate that a lot because it does resonate in terms of the way I see leadership as well. It doesn't necessarily have to be the person at the front of the room. Right.

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Unknown
But could be others. Which also speaks to the fact that it's it's seen usually as an individual or a group of people, maybe the leadership group, but there's an elite if you're not followers or if you don't have an audience of people that are listening to the people that may be imparting this knowledge. Then leadership is just, I don't know.

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Unknown
It's just not there. It's it's not as useless without the people to actually follow through on the actions or the the inspiration, to your point. So it's it's pretty neat. Follow up question on that is, do you believe that people are born with the leadership qualities, or do you feel like it's a learned skill? Is it nurture nature?

00:12:35:13 - 00:12:57:19
Unknown
Yeah, I learned to share that. Yeah. In my experience, that leadership is is a skill that can be learned and, and and a skill that can be taught, which is pretty significant because I think some people put limits on themselves and they think, oh, I'm not a leader. But in my experience, I've been able to to coach and and develop skills in other people.

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Unknown
And I also don't think there's like one type of leader. You know, some people think, oh, you got to be outgoing, you got to be out in front to be the leader. And I'll share in some of the greatest leaders are or quiet leaders. You know, there's different styles of leadership. And some of the people that have made the, you know, the biggest impact in the world have been quiet introverts.

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Unknown
You're super thoughtful, right? And they listen deeply and they often come up with a solution that maybe the leader who's talking so much hasn't taken the time to reflect on. And so that's really encouraging for for folks of all ages, because sometimes I think a leader has to fit the archetype of, you know, somebody who's bold, courageous, out in front and is always, you know, speaking first.

00:13:49:14 - 00:14:14:06
Unknown
But sometimes they're the best leaders take more time to listen before they speak. Yeah. Completely agree. I, I became keenly aware of that. I don't know, about 15, 16 years ago, I was at a camp, a leadership camp, training, actually, with Susan was our mutual friend that introduced us. I had known her for a while this week.

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Unknown
She was there as well. And we do. We did a bunch of exercises and I was still new to so background of me, I was in the grocery, business. I was in leadership, at some point for most of it, I was in management leadership. So I always worked in retail, a customer service type of roles.

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Unknown
And at a very young age, I ended up in management role like, by this time I was 18 out, high school. They put me in a management position. So I did these kinds of things all the time. I tried to inspire, motivate, through just modeling, just trying to show them how we need to do things or why we need to do things.

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Unknown
So that's the context as to who I was going up into leading up into this camp. And then we go and at this discounters, dozens of very successful people. And there's several things I'd like to talk about here and, and share your thoughts. I love to hear your thoughts on this. I, for the most part, have always considered myself a hesitant leader.

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Unknown
I'd really prefer to not lead. I rather not be in charge. And it became quite clear that this was my pattern of during this event, because we did 4 or 5 different tasks for a group projects essentially, or we're trying to accomplish a goal, and there's always the 1 or 2 people that are the loudest, the boldest, the most outlandish, or just like, follow me, I got the right answer.

00:15:37:20 - 00:16:14:02
Unknown
And I was never that guy. And in fact, I would usually refrain from even speaking if I had no choice. But inevitably, I felt compelled to share my opinion or my thoughts, especially after Group one failed at accomplishing the task. Four couldn't get the buy in from the group. There's usually six, eight, ten of us. And Susan actually made me aware of this because after like exercise 3 or 4, the group started turning to me and asking me what my thoughts were and how we should accomplish this, this particular task.

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Unknown
And I'm thinking like, whoa, whoa, why are we what are we doing here? I'm trying to be, but it wasn't my style. I'd never been the loud one. I do what I do because I have to. Or because I'm asked to. But most scenarios, I'd rather not. I'd rather just support where the whatever, whoever is leading the particular venture.

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Unknown
But in this scenario, like, oh my God, this is just who I am. So I can speak to that, I think. I don't think I'm the loudest, but I'm definitely, I guess, engaging and funny. So I get people to buy in. But inevitably I end up being put in the leadership like, hey, guys, this show.

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Unknown
And it happened after that. I saw the pattern. I just let go and Susan would go on to tell me, like, you just need to take it on. It's, it's it's who you are and it's you're you're clever, you're smart. You you understand? Things are like, okay, we'll do, so to your point of being quiet, I can completely relate to that.

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Unknown
Yeah, yeah. And I sometimes we need encouragement, just like you did sometimes, you know, some as a quiet leader. So, like, hey, you got something to share? You got something to offer? I'll, I'll share that two things. One, the extroverted leader can work on themselves by listening more and and also encouraging the quiet leaders to speak up because I think that's important.

00:17:38:11 - 00:18:02:21
Unknown
And the introverted leaders, need to build the courage to share and speak up because they often have really valuable ideas. So it's sort of a both folks need to compromise a little bit or maybe go into an uncomfortable area. Right? The loud leaders need to to listen more, and the quiet leaders need to to speak out more.

00:18:02:21 - 00:18:43:07
Unknown
And I think when that happens, then we can really have an amazing synergy. Energy happens. Yeah, yeah. I also share with folks that leadership begins comes from within, leadership comes from within. And the most important person you'll ever lead is yourself. I think that's so important. And so I really focus on the inner world, first before the outer world, I think that's that's so important is, you know, our own mindset, our self-talk, you know, our personal goals, our intentions that we're setting and, and making a positive difference that comes from within.

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Unknown
And then leadership is an extension from that. So I think that's really important to I agree, I was at the same camp. It's funny you mentioned that I was, I was roomed with an older gentleman who's easily 70 plus. That's four by so 16, 17 years ago. I'm struggling to just survive, but. And I went to this thing, I was allowed to go for free because I was working with the guy who's hosting it, so I felt like I didn't belong there.

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Unknown
I'm rooming with this individual is this incredible man who's a leader. Like, he literally leads large groups of men 70 to 100 men. I believe, like in this leadership kind of, group, men's group. And he admitted to me we were in our room how scared he was that one day the people were eventually going to find out that he was a fake, that he know what he was doing.

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Unknown
And my question to you is, do you still find that to be true in other contexts of your experience? And wherever you roam in leadership groups or as you teach these workshops and, speak on stages? Yeah, it sounds like you're referring to imposter syndrome. Does that sound about right? That sounded about right. Yeah. Why? Why is it so consistent?

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Unknown
Even when people are being are doing the thing that they're successful at, that they still question themselves. So you find that patterns that would be true. Yeah. I mean what what's interesting I think self-doubt is one of those things that people wrestle with. And for me, when I'm in my comfort zone, it'll be, you know, working with groups of people that I've worked with, the people will change.

00:20:23:08 - 00:20:45:05
Unknown
But similar kinds of groups of people that I've worked with. What I love to do is to cross train. I got cross training and I was I step outside my comfort zone and maybe work with groups that I hadn't worked with before to apply what I teach, which is called upbeat leadership in different, you know, in different fields to see if it still resonates.

00:20:45:07 - 00:21:17:06
Unknown
And that's like an ultimate test for me. And so when I try, anytime you try something new, it's like, okay, I don't know if this is going to resonate or if it's going to work, but I want to go for it because I believe in it. And so what happens is sometimes me in, in the lead up to, to the teaching, I might be a little nervous because it's new, but once I what I find is once I get started, I get in that groove, in that flow state, maybe you find that, you just freeze on.

00:21:17:08 - 00:21:35:22
Unknown
Hey, Matthew, you're there. You're going to get kicked out. Feel free to log off and come back in, I get you. I think I know exactly where you stuck.

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Unknown
You in a bit.

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Unknown


00:22:11:09 - 00:22:16:10
Unknown
There. With.

00:22:16:12 - 00:22:37:18
Unknown
Welcome back to the show. Let me tell you, you I lost you at when you're hosting events that you're not used to, and you get a little nervous, but then you you volunteer flow state that you were literally very into the flow state. Peace. Yeah. So once I get going, then I just tap into what I know.

00:22:38:00 - 00:23:07:22
Unknown
And I think an important thing to remember is that nobody knows what you are teaching better than you. Right. And so like, I'm nobody knows upbeat leadership better than me because I created it. Yeah. And no once I get into that flow then it's like oh yeah this is this is working, this is great. And that is just, the audience shifts, but, the content is so, you know, rock solid that I have confidence that it's going to work.

00:23:08:00 - 00:23:33:16
Unknown
I've also, you know, presented for, you know, so and spoke for so many thousands of hours, right. They, you know, they, they share this idea. Some folks call it the 10,000 hour rule. Oh yes. Yes. But but right. You think about like what it takes to get to that level of expertise. And I think back to when I, my early presentations, I, I had a notebook and I had all these notes and I'd be looking at the notes as I was presenting.

00:23:33:18 - 00:23:55:02
Unknown
I mean, I haven't used notes and, you know, many years now, but in the beginning I did write. So now I just go and let's go, you know, and I can teach three, six, seven hours straight. Well, without, you know, your material. Yeah, yeah. You know who I am? Yeah. That was my identity. No, that's a very valid point.

00:23:55:04 - 00:24:14:10
Unknown
I struggle with it well, now. So I think I share with this with you in the conversation. I actually taught leadership. I, sent my way into the training department at, the, the grocery chain that I was at at the time. And, actually spent two years in the train department teaching leadership and management. Never been trained how to do it.

00:24:14:12 - 00:24:35:12
Unknown
Kind of just, I guess talent, raw talent that I had and desire to, to share. But one of the things that I realized it was true for me as well, is that I would get nervous before every single class, almost vomiting. And in times it was I was also going through some, some personal stuff. So I'm literally not not doing well.

00:24:35:14 - 00:24:56:13
Unknown
So one of the things that I started a practice, I don't know if I read this somewhere, as I would call it out, the lack of confidence, I would even be shaky in the first five minutes. Yeah. And and I would say, hey, guys. Okay, I'll probably think I know what I'm doing and I do, but at the same time, like, check out my hand, I'd call it out and everybody be like, oh, stop it, you're amazing.

00:24:56:13 - 00:25:22:10
Unknown
Because after a while I had got a reputation. But as I got to speaking and I fell into the flow state, everything like I know my stuff. And I guess that goes back to that. That individual is I guess we're always going to question ourselves to some extent. But the truth is, we know our stuff. And if we were left alone and we just speak on it, after a few minutes, you will find that that flow state, that identity, that part of yourself, because it's your truth.

00:25:22:12 - 00:25:42:02
Unknown
It's your information, it's your proprietary, content that you've been speaking on for thousands of hours. And I find that to be I guess that's what I try to tell my daughters as well, when they get into those nervous states and questioning themselves, is we're all figuring it out as we go along. Now, none of us really know everything about everything.

00:25:42:04 - 00:25:58:00
Unknown
And it's okay to question yourself, but not to the point where you don't feel like you're worthy to be standing in front of the room, or whatever it may be. But it it's, it's getting those reps in and then being able to override that critical part of your brain, which is trying to run the, you're not enough.

00:25:58:00 - 00:26:17:03
Unknown
You're not good enough for all of us. Yeah. Get to 10,000 hours. You forget about it. Yeah. You can go on to your point of hours and hours without having to stress about it as well. I also find when I shift who it's about, I think when I'm in my head and I'm thinking it's about me, I'm like, oh, I want to do a good job.

00:26:17:03 - 00:26:41:19
Unknown
And I hope that they like me. When you're when you're in that state, you're making it about yourself. And I found that if I just flip the script, it's not about me and my set. My intention for I want to add value to people's lives. I'm also I go into a session curious, like I want to learn, I, I'm presenting, but I also want to learn from the people that I'm presenting with because I, of course, want to get into conversation.

00:26:41:21 - 00:27:05:08
Unknown
And so it's always like, how am I going to grow today? And I don't ever set myself up, as you know, above anyone. So it's like I'm bringing this information, but for me, it's collaboration. Let's share. Let's grow together. And when you make it about serving others and about providing value to others, all of a sudden you get out of your head and into, hey, I'm just, I'm focusing on you, not on me.

00:27:05:08 - 00:27:27:13
Unknown
That has helped me so much. I don't know, what about you? Does that shift kind of help? It does actually tremendously, because, especially once I started doing it a few times and hearing how valuable the information was or the common themes that I started hearing was the information that you just gave me on leadership. I'm using it with my kids.

00:27:27:15 - 00:27:51:23
Unknown
I'm using it with my wife has help in the like. They'd come back to a second or third class. We'd have multiple classes so that made me feel like what I was sharing was actually impacting our life, not just at the stores, at the store level or in the room, but at home. So when I would have those moments of insecurity or in my own head about my performance because of the performance of sorts, right?

00:27:52:01 - 00:28:18:03
Unknown
Flipping it to, I'm just going to share the information because they're going to benefit from it is universally true in and outside the store. Talk to trust yourself and it will work itself out. Inevitably it would. It was the switch would flip and within 15 to 20 minutes we're all laughing. We're enjoying having conversations. And it would just become, just like a collaborative class because, you know, the training type of thing works, essentially workshops.

00:28:18:05 - 00:28:38:03
Unknown
You need that back and forth. So, in it worked every single time. You're right. It's when you get out of your own head and about how good you're doing and how good you look or how dumb you look, whatever that that critic is saying, it becomes easier because it's not about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that that's just a nice shift.

00:28:38:03 - 00:28:54:05
Unknown
I think somebody had shared that with me. Hey, Matthew, it's not about you. It's about what you can do for other people. I'm like, that's that's right. That's what I teach anyway. That's what leadership is about. How can you lift others up? You know, so when you make it about them, you can kind of get out of that, that negative self-talk in your head.

00:28:54:07 - 00:29:10:17
Unknown
The other and I'll leave can before we move on for this years ago or when I was going through it because I was with my call in my team like, I, I'm nervous every time that I Teevee, if you're not nervous, you don't care. And that means you don't care like it's it's you've made it too easy. It's too, too simple.

00:29:10:17 - 00:29:30:07
Unknown
And you just it's rote memory at that point. And there's something else that they said was, that there's some even rock stars and performers before they go on the stage. It's been pretty documented that many of them will throw up like their own nerves are coming up. So if it's true for them, it's going to be true for me.

00:29:30:09 - 00:29:49:23
Unknown
It's going to be fine. Let's just get get on with it and just speak and share the information. And nothing nothing's going to go wrong because they want me to succeed as well. They're there to learn and break. So all that's just to reinforce the. Yes, you're good enough. Yes. Refine. Yes. You're you're gonna, you know, teach something valuable and and and move, buddy.

00:29:50:00 - 00:30:14:19
Unknown
Yeah, yeah. It's great. So the next question I wanted to ask you is what's your, the the toughest leadership or leadership job or. Yeah. Tasks that you've had to take that, that you overcame were that you're still working through. Yeah. Let me get that. Let me get some thought. That's a. Yeah. Of course a great question.

00:30:14:21 - 00:30:56:04
Unknown
Like leadership challenges. Well you know I think one of the greatest challenges as a leader is to, help people that don't believe in themselves. Yeah, fully believe in themselves. And so I guess I've experienced that throughout my career as an educator and as a, as a speaker and trainer and coach. So if you think about all the way back to my band days teaching band in Colorado, when I was a middle school band director and then a high school band director, you know, folks who often think like, oh, I can't do this or I'm not talented.

00:30:56:06 - 00:31:16:09
Unknown
And they kind of put these mental roadblocks up, you know, less fixed mindsets. But I always took that on as a challenge, and enjoyed that. Thomas, to be like, you know, how can I help this student or person find like, just a little bit of success, like a little bit of achievement? Yeah. And then like, amplify that.

00:31:16:12 - 00:31:39:01
Unknown
Like, did you see that? You did that. That is so awesome. Like, you're getting better and encouraging them. And so, you know, that's, you know, at the middle school and high school level, it's a big challenge because you're dealing with, you know, how people think about themselves or how they view their own ability. But I've loved to to share that, you know, people have unlimited potential.

00:31:39:01 - 00:32:01:07
Unknown
It's a matter of figuring out like different strategies to help them get there. Now is not the same strategy. One strategy is not going to work for everybody, you know. So as a teacher, I always try to come up with five different ways to teach the same thing. Or really. Yeah, just that that was a goal because and also the way I learned isn't going to be the same way that somebody else learns to.

00:32:01:09 - 00:32:22:17
Unknown
So you got to start thinking about like, what are other creative ways to help people get there? And the same thing applies at the at the collegiate level. I'm training, you know, future teachers and trying to find ways to uplift them, but also to be able to critique simultaneous because you don't want to like, crush people's, you know, feeling about themselves when you need a critique.

00:32:22:17 - 00:32:52:07
Unknown
So it's it's finding a way to help people see what they can do better without crushing their soul. Right. And I and I find that, it kind of a blend of like, this is book really? Well, but but let's shift to this or in. Oh, let me demonstrate how this could be and and you know, as a teacher, I'm always like, thinking about what can I do differently to help support them but take them to the next level, you know, because you don't want to accept and be like, oh, that's good enough when it isn't right.

00:32:52:07 - 00:33:11:18
Unknown
You really got to keep encouraging people and finding strategies to help them get to the next level. So I find that that's almost a daily challenge for me. But but it actually keeps me fresh. Like, I like it. I like the challenge. Isn't that interesting? You know, I'm kind of drawn to the challenge. It's like putting a puzzle together.

00:33:11:19 - 00:33:31:11
Unknown
Imagine, like going to find this piece, the fits. I'm going to find five pieces, five of these pieces. One of these is really going to fit in the puzzle. That is this human. That is their identity or their confidence. Right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Helping people increase confidence I think is really important. Of course, I always show that confidence is linked to competence.

00:33:31:13 - 00:33:51:15
Unknown
Right. Your level I agree your level of your level of confidence is equal to your level of competence. So if you want to raise your confidence you need to raise your competence. And you can only do that through consistent practice like consistency consistent practice. And a lot of people don't want to put in the time. I'm like, but if you're if you want to grow your competence, it's going to take a lot of effort.

00:33:51:15 - 00:34:13:13
Unknown
It's not going to happen overnight. It can take weeks, months. You got to stick with it if you really want it, you got to get after it. And that's where that perseverance happens. That's really good. I, as a father, I know, I remember hearing well, personally. Well, you just had to be more confident. You had to be more confident.

00:34:13:14 - 00:34:41:01
Unknown
Like, how do you be more confident? How can one just be more? Can I just turn up the knowledge on on being more like, I would, I could, I mean, but if I don't have the confidence ultimately lead me to I'm not competent at this thing because I just came into I started learning how to dance many years ago after my divorce because I wanted to do this thing, and I sucked, and I had to be okay, was not being very good.

00:34:41:03 - 00:34:59:23
Unknown
And over time, and I got a little more confident, not to mention the social component of it was still beneficial. Like, maybe I wasn't very good. I wasn't very good with another group of people that weren't very good either, because we're all beginners. So there's the social component, like, we're good, we're gonna be fine. But only after finding a certain level of competence.

00:34:59:23 - 00:35:23:10
Unknown
And still my confidence started to go up, and that confidence started to radiate into other aspects of my life. And as I like to tell people, as it relates to my dance, is it really helped me walk straighter, walk with a sense of purpose, like, because now I know how to walk in my body to a rhythm. And now the the idea of confidence is, is there?

00:35:23:12 - 00:35:43:14
Unknown
But it only came through competence. And I had problem 5 or 6 years where I wasn't very good. And right now I'm okay, but I'm good enough that I can give a good dance without thinking being in my head about how good or bad I am. I'm just having a good time and only comes through the reps and the, the the competence to be able to get there.

00:35:43:14 - 00:36:00:04
Unknown
And I and to your point, I think most people in various contexts of life don't want to do that time. They don't want to look bad, which I think is just foolish. I actually try to tell my girls to be okay, okay, not being good. If you want to try something new, you have to be okay with it not being good.

00:36:00:05 - 00:36:16:19
Unknown
You're not just going to be good like that. That entire notion is foolish, but it comes. You're going to get there. Just keep doing it just for the fun of it. Otherwise, don't even start because you're not going to be good. Yeah, it's the reality. Come on. Yeah. You got to enjoy what you're doing, right? It's the journey, right?

00:36:16:19 - 00:36:46:22
Unknown
Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the people that are there with you having a good time. You're moving. That's that's beneficial. Your not be good but you're moving. You're out. You're about you're listening to the music. What's that's like let's enjoy that. I didn't want to ask you with regards to that. Like who do you find is more challenging and it's not a competition, but is it easier, harder to work with the young individuals versus the corporate, people in or teachers or in corporations when you're teaching your workshops?

00:36:47:00 - 00:37:16:05
Unknown
Yeah, I think it's that's a good question. And it really does vary on the person. But I would share that, the young people are often, more hungry for, like this information and, and they're more open to growth. They're like, oh, man, I'm really thinking about this. And, you know, being a student leader as your daughter, being a drum major, experienced, there's a lot of challenges that go with that.

00:37:16:06 - 00:37:41:21
Unknown
Leading your peer group when you're in high school with. And I always feel like you don't really have any authority you like, yo, I can't hire, you can't hire and fire people, right? It's not like when you're a boss or a manager. So you have to earn the respect every day just because your director says, hey, you're the drum major or you're the section leader doesn't automatically give you respect amongst the students.

00:37:41:21 - 00:38:02:21
Unknown
In fact, sometimes it's the opposite. We've seen students get like torn down the second they're like lifted up or elevated to a leadership title. It's almost human nature here. Students to be like, oh, they shouldn't have gotten that, or other people that audition who didn't get it or jealous. And they're they start to tear down those people. So then it's on.

00:38:02:21 - 00:38:31:07
Unknown
This makes it even more difficult. So you have to really earn the respect. So when I offer strategies and principles and, and ideas for, you know, earning respect, building trust, elevating your leadership style so that you can collaborate with others and work alongside them to be really effective students early. I tell me more now when you get into adulthood, has some adults are still super open to growth and they're like, oh my gosh, this is great, is changing my life.

00:38:31:07 - 00:39:05:12
Unknown
And and this is transformational. This is just what I needed. But inevitably there's also some adults that are like, I'm done learning. I got everything figured out. I don't need this. I'm good. You know it. Why are mine and I bus? Why are you teaching? Right. Yeah. Yeah. So. But but usually what I discover is that while in the beginning, let's say there's a professional development situation where I'm working with teachers or business owners, at first there might be like that guard that's up.

00:39:05:13 - 00:39:25:07
Unknown
That's sort of like the arms cross, like, okay, Buster, what do you got for me? You know, but usually by the time we get going, by the time we get going, there's laughter and everybody's engaged and they're like, okay, this is cool. And I'm really growing today. So. But I find that there might be a little bit of resistance.

00:39:25:09 - 00:39:50:08
Unknown
More from, from adults than there are from from high school students in the beginning, I definitely ran into that group. So when I was teaching classes, they required there was a new program at the time that required everyone in the company to come to, essentially, continued education, leadership, delegation, and, oh, various types of classes that I was teaching.

00:39:50:10 - 00:40:09:05
Unknown
And there was that group that always especially if they hadn't been to one of my classes, they would especially for. And if they were assistant manager, store manager, director, that kind of at a higher role. And like, I already know everything and there's nothing you can teach me. I've been doing this management thing ten years, 20 years, 30 years.

00:40:09:05 - 00:40:35:02
Unknown
You can't teach me anything like, and that was it's intimidating from a for a person to just starting doing this thing. Right. But. Right. I definitely within 15 to 20 minutes, I'd get there by and there get them laughing. Yeah. And they are challenging. And on the flip side of that, I was also in the stores were almost the majority of my, my staff was, were teenagers.

00:40:35:04 - 00:40:57:00
Unknown
They're 15, 16, 17. Yeah. Like they're checkers, cash, cashiers, stickers, stockers, everything. Majority of them. But in the shifts that they would work our younger. So I had this, interesting mix in trying to stage my communication style, trying to relate to them in a different way to make sure that we're all on the same page. But they each have their complications.

00:40:57:00 - 00:41:12:11
Unknown
They each are challenging to try to get the message across or buy in. Because I'm a young at the time, I was younger, as opposed I'm the young kid. Why should I listen to you or you're not much older than me? Why should I listen to you? Right? This this, this weird dynamics that happens of people questioning why.

00:41:12:17 - 00:41:32:22
Unknown
Why we should even bother following you if you're going to be gone in a week or two. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's cool that you also also had the experience of teaching and coaching high school students and adults. Yeah. It was, it was a challenge. And, and I got to be pretty good idea because I figured out how to relate to them.

00:41:32:22 - 00:41:53:01
Unknown
And I think that's what it comes down to in any leadership kind of component is how can you relate so they know that you're here to help them, you're here to support them. Yes, you're working and you're getting paid. But I would like to help you help me kind of thing. And that was kind of my I suppose my trick I'm trying to get them to buy in is like, I'm I am here to support you.

00:41:53:03 - 00:42:09:09
Unknown
I'm a fan of you. And if that means helping you grow, to become, you know, take another role at another company or move up, then that's what I'll help you do. You you will have a fan in me. All I need is your help. While you're here, you got to train and be the kind of person you want to be in the future.

00:42:09:09 - 00:42:39:07
Unknown
And I want. So show up here. Now, that was kind of my general pitch. Yeah. To get there buying. Because if you don't get the buy in them, trying to get them to do anything after that is difficult. Right. Yeah. So finding those connection points and you're so right about building that relationship and sometimes it's through telling a joke or it's being vulnerable like being authentic I think is is really key to kind of break down those barriers and be like okay, we're a human human a human here.

00:42:39:07 - 00:42:56:00
Unknown
We're just interact. So I think, and you can tell me if you've had an experience with this, it's always work in these stores. The people management will come even before with the management. There's a period and I refuse to be in management. And I was just a little stalker that put stuff on the shelves in, like, my 20s, 25.

00:42:56:00 - 00:43:19:19
Unknown
I refused to be a management. So we were doing a great job as a team, doing the thing. The thing. And then our assistant room, transferred, and they brought a new guy. We're in three. We're running really good program and doing things, timely manner. Leaving on time, hours. Bob. But the new guy came in and he's like, we're going to fix everything because what you were doing, it was inefficient.

00:43:20:00 - 00:43:38:16
Unknown
And I took it down like, oh my God, that was the first the worst thing that you the best, worst thing you could have said to just not get by and you just insulted everybody on the team saying that whatever we were doing was not working and that you have this, this great solution and I just found that to be weird.

00:43:38:16 - 00:44:03:03
Unknown
It's like, not connecting, not relating, not at least understanding what the what's happening in here besides criticizing and in fact, insulting it. I feel like that's a common thing is not obviously specific to the space, but where some people feel like they can just come in and just ramrod their, their, their efforts or their ideas down the teams, the, the team they just adopted down their throats.

00:44:03:03 - 00:44:21:06
Unknown
And I just still have out of work in most cases or ever, frankly. Yeah. That's like I agree with you. That's almost the worst thing you can possibly do. Yeah. It was it was crazy. It was funny. Is like three months later he's like, all right, go back to whatever y'all were doing. Because clearly I made a mistake.

00:44:21:06 - 00:44:40:16
Unknown
I'm like, okay. And you ended up becoming a friend. But he was vulnerable enough to actually tell me that because I'm the kind of guy they're like, what are you going to do, bus like? I'm not going to sit here and fight with you. Just, tell me what you need, how you want it done. Okay. But I guess not relating and at least understanding what the baseline is before, insulting the group as.

00:44:40:16 - 00:45:02:15
Unknown
Let's the fish. Come on. So, worst thing you can do. Yeah. I said like connect before you correct is really. And I also share like, nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Oh, I was that, that's that's a good one. I forgot who that is. That's. Yeah, it was originally Theodore Roosevelt, actually, President Theodore Roosevelt, who's credited with that.

00:45:02:17 - 00:45:26:07
Unknown
Okay. But I really did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, like, there's variations, but it started with Theodore Roosevelt. Zig Ziglar said a variation, John Maxwell has a variation where it's, oh, Tracy Backer. Yeah, it's really a great idea. Yeah. Connect, connect before you just like, boom, share all your ideas. Yeah. The I heard this when I was I did take some classes on my own.

00:45:26:09 - 00:45:46:10
Unknown
That an NLP master practitioner. So one of the principles that they teach is match pace, lead the match where the person is, meet them where they're at, the group, the person. I like the pace and then pace them to walk together, the lead. So they have to buy in. You have to go where they're at, wherever that is.

00:45:46:10 - 00:46:04:20
Unknown
Whether it be emotionally, physically, like literally if it's a child, get down to their level, match, pace, lead is to me, it's always stuck and it's essentially the same because you at that level, you're understanding where they're at, where are their point of view, what their struggles are before you're telling them, this is what we're going to do, we're going to go that way, right?

00:46:04:22 - 00:46:28:17
Unknown
Match pace, lead. Yeah. So tell me more about pace is that when you're walking alongside you're with them at the same time. What is pace meaning? I think at that point, in theory is you're starting to take a couple of steps in front of them. You're pacing them, I think in, in like, oh, again at the 500, you have the pace car who's slightly up front, setting a tempo for everyone before they unleash them.

00:46:28:19 - 00:46:45:05
Unknown
So match pace and then eventually lead, if that's the role that you're going to take on. And I try to keep that in mind whenever I'm talking to anyone about anything is match them. Where we at that they're sad. Like, don't necessarily be miserable. Be sad with them. Don't try to be a hey guy, why are you so sad?

00:46:45:05 - 00:47:05:21
Unknown
Let's, let's, let's be chippy. Let's be positive. A as a leader is frankly, as a friend, that's probably the worst thing he can do is I got just have a moment here. Yeah. So I think it's a great little principle. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah I like that. It's a little bit like empathy is exactly where you're at where you at.

00:47:05:21 - 00:47:28:20
Unknown
And I'm going to join you there. And then let's, let's see where we're going to go. That's very cool. Yeah. All right Matthew, let's wrap up this. We're headed down the tail end of this conversation. Tell us about the power of get something I saw on your website, something you mentioned to me. I made it a point, and I have to dig in more because I want to hear it as a new information discovery.

00:47:28:22 - 00:47:54:13
Unknown
I want to hear all about it. All right, all right, all right. Well, this has been really transformative for me. This is this is the book where it's where it's in. It's called Upbeat Mindset. Mindfulness and leadership and music education is beyond and and power gets really in chapter two. But let me share a little bit about this because it's changed my life and it's really changed a lot of other people's lives.

00:47:54:15 - 00:48:15:20
Unknown
And it's it's connected to a moment like a particular morning where everything kind of happened. And so I'll share this story. I won't say too long because I know it's you got time. We we have a few gaps in our conversation. So I would love to take your time. Don't feel rushed. I want to hear okay, okay, great.

00:48:15:20 - 00:48:38:21
Unknown
Yeah, it was September 12th, 2020, and I woke up that morning in our home in Neenah, Wisconsin, where my wife and I live, and I was looking forward to going for a swim that morning. We have a swimming pool, and because we live in Wisconsin, it can't be open year round, unlike maybe in Texas where you are maybe, maybe can't have pools open year round.

00:48:38:21 - 00:48:53:14
Unknown
But where I'm at from the winters are okay. Everyone, right? You were like one month. Okay, okay, so we'll have our pools open maybe from May to the end of September, early October. So September 12th, I woke up. I really want to go for a swim. I love to go for a swim every single day that I'm home.

00:48:53:16 - 00:49:14:06
Unknown
But when I woke up that morning, it was. It was dark, dreary, windy. It was cold. It was about 40 degrees outside, I know, and it was raining. And it wasn't just like a light rain. It was like buckets, like a deluge of of rain. And so I decided, well, I'm not going to be able to go for a swim.

00:49:14:06 - 00:49:44:03
Unknown
So I made some make some coffee or tea that morning. And then I did a morning meditation mindful breathing routine. And then I got out a notebook and I started journaling. And I actually, I don't know about you, but I, I found journaling to be really very helpful, cathartic, maybe therapeutic during the pandemic. Just, oh, there was so much going on and, and I found journaling just really helpful.

00:49:44:06 - 00:50:14:00
Unknown
And so I started thinking about the day before, which is September 11th, 2020. But I didn't end up journaling about the day before. Actually, I went back in time to 911 or so. September 11th, 2001, and I thought about that day. And on that day I was a middle school band director in my fifth year of teaching in Loveland, Colorado, and I drove from our home in Fort Collins to Loveland.

00:50:14:02 - 00:50:34:02
Unknown
Because I was driving to school, I had no idea that our lives were about to change forever. I got to school and my principal said to me, hey, Matthew, I just heard something really strange on the radio. I heard that somebody flew a plane into one of the towers in New York City, and I was like, whoa, what?

00:50:34:04 - 00:50:49:00
Unknown
He said, I don't know anything else about it. Just. I just heard somebody flew a plane into the towers. And back then, you know, the news didn't travel like it does today. It wasn't instantaneous. So, yeah, I didn't have our little phones to look at and see everything like you do now. Back then, it was like the radio and it was really sketchy news.

00:50:49:02 - 00:51:09:18
Unknown
So I went into the band room and I turned on the television, which was just over the whiteboard and the front of the room, and, and I'm sure, like probably every station that day had the same news. So I just turned it on and I, and I could see that it wasn't somebody who just flew like a little small plane that accidentally flew into the towers.

00:51:09:18 - 00:51:39:04
Unknown
Of course, we all know that iconic image, but to me it was the most traumatic or horrifying thing I'd seen in my life up to that point. And about ten minutes later, my first student started walking into the room and 11 year old students with their instruments, and we didn't get our instruments out. We just set them down on the floor and we just watched the news happen in real time.

00:51:39:06 - 00:51:48:16
Unknown
And at the end of that first class together, we saw the first tower crumble in flames. Oh.

00:51:48:18 - 00:52:08:03
Unknown
And we had no words. There were no words. And then the second sixth grade band students came in and again, we didn't get our instruments out. We just watched the news happen in real time. And at the end of the second class, we saw the second tower crumble in flames, and we just sat there in silence, you know, because there were no words.

00:52:08:03 - 00:52:27:06
Unknown
And then I had a planned period and then lunch, followed by two seventh grade bands and two eighth grade bands with seventh graders started walking into the room and there was a student. She saw the TV was on. She said, can we turn the TV at all? We've been watching the news in every single class today and it's really hard.

00:52:27:07 - 00:52:50:12
Unknown
Can we get our instruments out? Can we play today? And I said, you know what? That's a great idea. So I got up, I turned the TV off, we got our instruments out. We started warming up, and then we got our band method book out, which is a, you know, a small book is a collection of pieces that kind of takes you from easier to more difficult pieces.

00:52:50:13 - 00:53:16:09
Unknown
It turned out that number six in this book we were using is the first piece that teaches the three four time signature, like three beats in the measure, like a waltz, but it was also a piece that was really appropriate for that day. It was titled America I know. Yeah, yeah. And and you know, the piece begins with the words my country, tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of the I sing.

00:53:16:11 - 00:53:50:01
Unknown
And we played just those six measures. It sounded like this. Dada, Dada da da da da da da da da da. And we played America over and over and over again. That's all we played, actually, the entire class. And we did the same thing with the next seventh graders. And then the eighth graders came in and we had an arrangement of a piece of music and our folders already.

00:53:50:03 - 00:54:16:01
Unknown
It was amazing. Grace. And we played amazing Grace over and over and over again in both of those classes. And on that day, my students and I came to understand the true superpower of music in a way that none of us had ever experienced before, not even me. And I'd been involved in music my entire life, but I came to understand what it's meant when it's said.

00:54:16:01 - 00:54:43:02
Unknown
When words fail, music speaks truth. Because on that day there were no words. But we had music to express how we felt in a heart. As I was journaling and reflecting on that day. I started making a to do list. Sometimes I would do that like journaling to make it to do list for the day, you know? And sometimes a to do list really feels like a have to do list, doesn't it?

00:54:43:04 - 00:55:05:22
Unknown
Yeah. Like a just a checklist of survival to get through. But something in my mind switch that morning being in the midst of the global pandemic and and thinking about 911 and that day and what that meant, I just added one three letter word to my to do list. And that word is get this get. And now my to do list read something like this.

00:55:06:00 - 00:55:39:18
Unknown
I get to email Sarah. I get to call Mark in the I get to study my music. I get to prepare to teach my classes. And then I wrote I get to dance in the rain and I get lost here. Oh yes. And then. Then I read. I get to go for a swim. And even though it's freezing cold outside and raining so hard, I put on my swim shorts, open up the sliding glass door and I went outside and it was really cold.

00:55:39:20 - 00:55:57:08
Unknown
And I went to the. I went to the edge of the pool and I did just like a little jig. It was like three seconds long because I said I was going to dance. So I did just a little dance Teevee, just a little dance. And then I dove into the pool and I'm swimming in the pool, doing laps in this pool, and I'm thinking about all that I get to do, right?

00:55:57:08 - 00:56:17:03
Unknown
Like I get to have a dress, I get to have this life. I get to go for a swim. I get to live a life inspiring others. I get to live a life in music that I how fortunate I am. And as I was swimming, I thought about another three letter word that's so powerful. That word is yet and it thought about, you know, growth mindset.

00:56:17:03 - 00:56:38:10
Unknown
And Carol Dweck work on on growth mindset in her Ted talk on the power of yet. And I thought, what why is yet so powerful? And I realize it's because when somebody says, you know, I can't do something, I can't do this right, we respond and say, I, you can't do it yet, link, which is just so powerful.

00:56:38:10 - 00:56:54:14
Unknown
And I think as a teacher, as a coach, it says, I'm going to I'm going to be there alongside you. I believe in you. I'm going to help you. We're going to work on this together. I know you're not there yet, but I believe it's going to happen so. Yet is about hope, yet is about the future, isn't it?

00:56:54:16 - 00:57:14:10
Unknown
And then I thought, well, why am I so excited about get the power of get? I realize when we live in what I call the spirit of get, we live in the present moment. We live in the now. Like for example, you and I, Teevee, we get to have this conversation right now, right? This is something to be treasured.

00:57:14:12 - 00:57:44:17
Unknown
And it and then present is the only moment that's ever guaranteed. And so I got out of the pool. I was just so jazzed about the power up yet. And then I said, I said, what if you could add meaning to each of the letters, get. And that's what I did. So G stands for gratitude. And I thought, how many times have I felt appreciation for someone and kept it to myself, called 21 C and I thought, you know what, I'm not going to do that anymore.

00:57:44:18 - 00:58:15:00
Unknown
I'm going to share appreciation, you know, openly. I'm just going to I'm going to be abundant with sharing appreciation. And then E is for enthusiasm to live life with enthusiasm because, you know, we only get this one life and live all in, live full out. And I'll tell you what, when I was researching for my book enthusiasm, the word, it comes from the Greeks or and it has a really significant meaning.

00:58:15:02 - 00:58:43:08
Unknown
So it's broken in three parts, right? Enthusiasm. It turns out the middle part throws means God, E asa means essence and and means within. Enthusiasm literally translates to the essence of God within us. It's powerful. And when I when I learned that, I thought, how how would I live my life knowing that? How could I live my life knowing that?

00:58:43:08 - 00:59:07:20
Unknown
How would you live your life knowing that the essence of God lies within you? And then T is for treasure to to intentionally treasure the people in our lives. You know, in the pandemic, sometimes things we didn't really treasure them until they were taken away from us. Like we took so many things for granted. Right? But then they were taken away and I decided, I'm not going to wait anymore.

00:59:07:22 - 00:59:25:17
Unknown
I don't need to wait for somebody to be taken away from me to to treasure it in the present. And I want to share one final thing about treasure. You know, we think about treasure you might think of, like the lost or the hidden treasure, or a treasure chest at the bottom of the sea filled with gold coins or something like that.

00:59:25:17 - 00:59:49:08
Unknown
And and that is a treasure. But I think the most important treasure is the treasure that lies within us. The treasure that lies within each one of us, and each one of us is a treasure. You know, we have a treasure inside that I think we just we have a a light, a golden light within. And we're meant to share it brightly with the world.

00:59:49:10 - 01:00:17:08
Unknown
And I really think that's what it's all about, my friend, is to share our light brightly with the world. And I think there's, you know, a lot of forces, society kind of maybe wanting to suppress our light, hold us down, push us down. And I think our role here is to shine brightly, to encourage others to shine their light brightly and I think that's how together we really lift each other and how we can positively change the world.

01:00:17:10 - 01:00:38:03
Unknown
And so as I've shared the power of get with others, my friend, it's been so meaningful to hear stories from people about how just this one simple shift to start thinking about how every moment in life is a get like, I get to do the dishes. I have dishes, right? Yes, I get, I get to, you know, take my dog for a walk.

01:00:38:03 - 01:00:54:07
Unknown
I get to go shopping, right? I, I've access to the food of the grocery store. I can, I can turn on the tap and get clean drinking water. Oh do know people. Is that amazing? Yeah. You really need is to not have water. Yeah. They don't have clean drinking water and and so everything right. Yeah. Look at you.

01:00:54:07 - 01:01:20:04
Unknown
Right. So it stays close for a long period of time. It's like oh yeah. Yeah. I mean the lives we, we live, and the privileges and, and what we have today, if you compare it to what maybe even the kings and queens had 500 years ago, it's it's no contest. Yeah. We just have so much more than anybody could ever fathom.

01:01:20:06 - 01:01:44:23
Unknown
But I like to just live in the spirit of get. And it's changed my life. And it's certainly changed thousands of other people's lives. And, and, so it's. Yeah. Thanks for asking about that. It's it's really it's really meaningful. It's, it's a beautiful metaphor. I, it's something that I think about often throughout my day, putting pieces.

01:01:44:23 - 01:02:08:18
Unknown
So obviously you put it together in a nice little, little package, which makes it easy to remember. I do find that, a lot of the problems that we have is, are a lack of appreciation. And as a father, I think about that as well, because how do you teach appreciation if you've always had it? You can't appreciate not having it.

01:02:08:18 - 01:02:30:09
Unknown
Right? If you always have tap water that you can turn on and then whoosh, there it is. It's hard to appreciate not having it until it's taken away. Right. That's that's how you would appreciate it. So something I think about often because I, I'm an immigrant, I do we were poor for the longest and even when I started the business, it was we're pretty poor.

01:02:30:11 - 01:02:57:10
Unknown
I was struggling to make things work. So my daughters got to witness some of that journey so they can appreciate it. That's something I come back to often is I'm in a good place, and it's all like my my girlfriend, my fiancé recently. Like, I'm really careful not to speak on my current situation without taking appreciation for where I'm at, because it's in TV.

01:02:57:10 - 01:03:20:20
Unknown
15 years ago, Teevee would have loved to have these problems. Today we have new problems and that's cool. But I get to have these problems, I get to have these challenges. And that's something I think about whenever I find myself in a rut. A something I'm thinking about a lot right now, actually, because I'm trying to do some new things, is we've been here before.

01:03:20:20 - 01:03:51:11
Unknown
We succeeded. We? Yes. We struggled. Do we get to have these problems and these challenges and we will succeed if you want a bad enough right. But without appreciating what you've been through, then it's hard to really push yourself to what you can accomplish. I feel to your point, I think you said it earlier of taking what you've been through and using it as fuel to keep going, having the success moments I with my daughters, actually, I had a term I coined the portfolio success.

01:03:51:12 - 01:04:17:08
Unknown
Succeeding a small little things, especially when they were young, to seed them with little, little, blocks of confidence. Whether it's climbing a tree, whether it's getting down from the tree, being able to shoot a basketball, being able to, throw a Frisbee and catch it, these little skills are a portfolio success that they could then leverage as time gets tougher and the the tasks that we have to accomplish get get tougher.

01:04:17:08 - 01:04:43:11
Unknown
But like, you've been doing hard things all your life since being here is, is, proof of that because we all have been through something and so have our parents. So to get back to, to the get. I love that, tomorrow's not promised. What is it? Worry is you're already anticipating the future. Yes. And, shame is you're worried about the past.

01:04:43:14 - 01:05:03:12
Unknown
You know, something that happened in the past. So, like, we're only guaranteed today, and it's it's hard. It's really hard to focus on today when there's so much happening. But you have to take a timeout. So meditation, journaling like, gets a really dump the crap that's in your head. And then between meditation and journaling you get to dump it on like all right it's out.

01:05:03:14 - 01:05:29:21
Unknown
Let's focus on something. So thank you. I was a beautiful story. The fact that the children were the ones that triggered you or said, hey, can we put something, do something else, can we play some music? I think is probably. That's less. It is manifesting like, can we just do something else? My daughters told me that during Covid, that was happening a lot.

01:05:29:21 - 01:05:44:12
Unknown
Where was the the the anxiety and the this and that that eventually she's like, I'm just over. I don't want to talk about Covid anymore. Can we study? Can we learn? Can we even had to like how to want to hear about it. And and she's like a freshman. She's just that she's in college now. I'm like, you're right.

01:05:44:14 - 01:06:03:03
Unknown
Let's talk about something else. Even with me. Like, can we talk about something else that like, can we do something? Can we go to the park? And I don't know, can we draw? Yes. Of course. I'm sorry. So, Jordan, it has a magnificent way of reminding us about the present to the world to have that haven't lived much life.

01:06:03:03 - 01:06:29:12
Unknown
And they really don't know what's up in front of those other, like, can we just do something? Anything? I'm hungry. Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's definitely a lot of gratitude for for the wisdom of children, that's for sure. Yeah. They're able to rattle you and wake you up from whatever you're going through, because right now they're hungry, or they need some distraction, or they need some attention.

01:06:29:14 - 01:06:51:17
Unknown
And whatever prep is going on in here or here, you got to center yourself for them. To me, they were my biggest leadership role that I've ever taken on. I had to show up for them. And at least, put on pause whatever anxiety I was feeling. Because there had two little humans depending on on me to get them laugh.

01:06:51:18 - 01:07:08:12
Unknown
Right. That talk about being present like, oh, can't worry about the future. I didn't get worry about fast. Like, what do I got to do to take care of this kid right now? Yeah. And then I think I go on and on about my kids because they they are my biggest, role, of leadership. I feel the parents are leaders.

01:07:08:12 - 01:07:26:18
Unknown
We really have to. But. And, embrace that role. We are leaders. Everything we do is a leave your ship kind of thing. There watching. I was I was with my my client the other day. Big story. In Chicago filming some videos. And her daughter ended up being with us. We went to her home and we shot some videos.

01:07:26:19 - 01:07:49:07
Unknown
This is an attorney, so she's talking and her daughter's in front of her. It was the most interesting and magnificent thing to watch. So I said in front of her, and she's mimicking almost identically every movement and gesture that the mom was doing. And it just reminds me, like, crystal clear, what children do if you're not doing it, they're not going to do it.

01:07:49:10 - 01:08:25:02
Unknown
If you're not saying it, they're not going to say it. And if you are, even if you think they're not watching, they're watching and they're mimicking. It was it was a fascinating to see standing in front of me. Child was right here. And I'm watching her. She's not speaking. She's just like. That's impressive. But it's so real as to what leadership really means is just being acting in that role that you would like the other individual to, to to walk in and feel confident about doing it, to tie it into what you were saying is give them the confidence, the inspiration to, hey, let's just follow me, let's go watch what I'm doing.

01:08:25:04 - 01:08:48:08
Unknown
Listen to how I'm talking. Right? Anyways, that's my little rant on on the, Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Yes my friend. Any final thoughts that you would like to share with the audience? Where can we find you? I'm. I'm obviously going to share your all your stuff, have links everywhere to make sure that they can find you by your book.

01:08:48:10 - 01:09:07:16
Unknown
Going to be downloading it myself on my Kindle. I know what you're doing. And the way you go about it. And marrying dance with the leadership. And I'm all about that. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's been been really cool that I take lessons from from music and conducting and apply them to leadership. And it's really, really resonates.

01:09:07:18 - 01:09:28:12
Unknown
So folks, I guess what I would share is start with going to power of Jet.com. If you're going to go anywhere, go to power of Jet.com. And it's really exciting. So that's a way we can stay connected. And I've developed what I call the get Leadership quiz that you can take for free when you get there just for questions.

01:09:28:14 - 01:09:49:22
Unknown
And you're going to learn a lot about yourself and, it's tailored to you. You'll find out, you know, what kind of leader you are, whether you're a grower, an energizer, or a trailblazer. And, that's really, really exciting. So, but, yeah, I just love to stay connected. I'm all about relationships and how we can support one another.

01:09:49:22 - 01:10:10:01
Unknown
And that's what I'm here to do, is, is to support and lift people up and, you know, really help them move from that stress and overwhelm that a lot of people are feeling today and find a pathway forward so that you feel energized and and thriving again to it to achieve your purpose driven life. And that's that's what I'm here for.

01:10:10:01 - 01:10:27:02
Unknown
So yeah, just reach out, see how I can help. And, you know, we have it. Have you? If you're a reader, we have the up book. And I always suggest people start with this. We also have the upbeat Journal. We talked about journaling today and how important that is. But yeah, in order to try to get in the brain.

01:10:27:02 - 01:10:48:21
Unknown
Yeah, the Daily Journal, these are all on Amazon too. And then the this is kind of cool. Try to get this on the screen here. So here okay. Here we go. Is opposite of what you think. But here we go. Set up a daily planner, the ultimate organizer for your get to do's. And what's very exciting is the Upbeat Leadership workbook is coming out this August.

01:10:48:23 - 01:11:07:14
Unknown
So, that's just another companion to support people in their journey. And, so I'm just just excited. The concept of upbeat, by the way, in case somebody I wonder if sure, it doesn't just mean I mean it does mean of course, a positive, uplifting person. That's great. And I think we all need upbeat people in our lives.

01:11:07:14 - 01:11:26:10
Unknown
But the the metaphor of the upbeat is much deeper. It actually comes from conducting. And so in music, when the conductor gives an upbeat to start a piece of music, you may have noticed the conductor's hands are up and then they they literally raise them up. They breathe in like this. They go and then they breathe out on the downbeat.

01:11:26:10 - 01:11:46:10
Unknown
So you breathe in on the upbeat, breathe out on the downbeat. And what's really neat is music is always created twice. It's created first in your mind and then by the musicians. So the conductor hears the music they want to create. First they're leading with that. They hear it internally, and then the musicians create the sound on the downbeat.

01:11:46:12 - 01:12:21:09
Unknown
But you hear it first. And I taking that metaphor from conducting into life, and I'll just share Teevee. What, what this is so our thoughts are the upbeats to our actions. Our attitude is our upbeat to any situation. And we choose our thoughts and our attitude. We choose our upbeat and and so throughout your day you can really think about how you can be intentional about choosing your upbeat and, and really just what do I want to create here.

01:12:21:11 - 01:12:44:05
Unknown
I always say rather than focus on what is wrong, focus on what you want to create. And I think every day is an opportunity to create something special. When we're intentional. Oh, I agree, I agree wholeheartedly, and the fact that this ties into a lot of my own personal philosophies within life, but also within music theory, is fascinating.

01:12:44:07 - 01:13:11:03
Unknown
I have this belief. I learned this in improv and you do in problems. You do a musical improv, right? Improvizational jazz, I believe. Improv teaches you that at any given moment you literally have, let's just say, thousands of options and choices. If you take a beat and pause and think instinctively, we want to react with our emotional, with our nervous system, like, oh, you go to hell, right?

01:13:11:05 - 01:13:39:18
Unknown
Let me just using a, exaggerated example. But in those moments, you actually have a multitude of options if you take a beat and very intentional, like, what do I really want from this conversation, from this engagement, from this moment? And if you're intentional, you're upbeat. So your, your, metaphor, you can change your light. Problem is we're too busy reacting instead of acting intentionally.

01:13:39:20 - 01:14:00:18
Unknown
And sometimes I think we have to react because maybe somebody is hitting me in the head with a hammer, like you need to react. But in many cases, it's not that. And if you just take a moment to choose your action, choose how you're going to speak, react, be in that moment. You can change your lives. You can change everything about your identity.

01:14:00:20 - 01:14:21:21
Unknown
But it's and I think the just go back to a point you said earlier, and I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with, I think, especially in older generations, is they feel that they're wired, they are who they are, right? And that you cannot improve who you are. You can't improve your skills. You can't be a leader, become a leader.

01:14:21:23 - 01:14:41:22
Unknown
Become better. It's like, this is who I am. This has got to accept me. I'm just a grouchy old fart. I'm a choosing intentionally. Like, do. I don't want to show up. I don't want to be a grouchy old fart with my grandchildren. And so I want to continue that. I can choose to be different. I can improve that skill set even if it's one moment at a time.

01:14:42:00 - 01:15:01:03
Unknown
So thank you for sharing. That is a fantastic. I had it in my list of questions that I wanted to get ask you, but as we were, you know, going around forgot. So it is your brand, right? It's, thank you for sharing the philosophy behind it. Ask Matthew one more question before we bounce. I actually really liked it.

01:15:01:08 - 01:15:11:17
Unknown
Let's imagine that your upbeat philosophy becomes a Pixar movie. What's the plot? And who voices you?

01:15:11:18 - 01:15:32:19
Unknown
Who voices me? That is great. Oh my gosh. Okay, let's see here. So, Pixar movie. I'll tell you what, I have this idea that it would be really based on this power of yet. So what it would, what it would start off with, it would be in black and white and and it would be a child character, maybe eight years old.

01:15:32:19 - 01:15:51:19
Unknown
And they're going through life and they're pretty miserable. And they're, they're complaining a lot. They're really thinking about, like, all that they have to do. I have to do this. I have to do my homework. I have to go to school. I have to clean my room. I have to do my chores and and life, you know, is so hard and miserable.

01:15:51:19 - 01:16:21:08
Unknown
And it's it's just black and white and it's just dark. And then there's going to be this, this moment where, there's another character, you know, maybe, maybe it's like, a magical character who appears and, and shares with them this, this secret, this wisdom, this, this wisdom that's been lost for the ages. And what they share is the power of gets, and they share with them that everything they thought was a half two is really a get to.

01:16:21:08 - 01:16:46:23
Unknown
They said, you know, you can change your life from revolving around a four letter word to a three letter word. Move from half twos to get twos, and then all of a sudden this the second half of the movie would now be in color and and everything. Those don't they, they would they would look at their life and in a whole new framework like like what they thought before was a half do they realize is really a get two.

01:16:46:23 - 01:17:06:23
Unknown
And so because they've changed their perspective, I get to get an education, I get to go to school, I get to clean my room like I, you know, I get to make my that I have a bed, right? I get to, right. I get to make friends. But because they've changed their perspective and their attitudes, their life literally shifts and change.

01:17:07:03 - 01:17:27:07
Unknown
And now and then it becomes not just about them. They start realizing how they can now share this with others, and they can lift other people up through passing on the power of and creating a ripple effect of positivity. And and I just think that would be amazing. So what a what a cool thing to think about, my friend.

01:17:27:07 - 01:17:49:08
Unknown
But okay, you said who would play okay let you know this is you. Well, let's say if I was if I was the child. Oh, you're the child. Okay. You know, but, you know, going going through that, I guess if the if it was a movie about my life, that would be a different thing. But I do love this kind of like idea of, like your when your attitude shifts, your whole life changes.

01:17:49:08 - 01:18:14:04
Unknown
When you said you would play me, let's let's say I was like an adult character in this. I kind of jokingly thought, Matthew McConaughey really? That's a very voiced. All right, all right, all right. Yeah. You know, it's funny is because because I actually have said that before, like, all right, all right, all right. And I actually had never heard Matthew McConaughey say that it was actually, believe or not, it was students that said, oh my gosh, you sound like Matthew McConaughey.

01:18:14:04 - 01:18:32:05
Unknown
I was like, does Matthew McConaughey say that? And it turned out, yes, he that's yeah, he does. In a small movie when he was a youngster. Yeah, I a great voice. I love hearing him speak on his on his own content where he kind of even this book. Have you heard of the green light? Green light. Yeah.

01:18:32:07 - 01:18:48:07
Unknown
You heard the book or did you read it? Yeah. Now I've read it. I read parts of it. Yeah, and heard him. I've heard him speak about it. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I've heard the entire night is making me want to listen to it because he has this inflection in the way he weaves the stories. And he's like, sometimes you wonder where he's going with it, but he's got just this voice.

01:18:48:07 - 01:19:00:18
Unknown
It's a good voice for you. I, I think it would, it would, it would hit really well and it definitely would draw people into the story. That is the power. Again, I like it. Thank you for Bayless.

01:19:00:20 - 01:19:27:15
Unknown
So good, so good. It sounded like you might have thought about this before and if you didn't, that was an incredible job of sharing in the moment. Well, I'm glad you asked because we've been talking about creating a, upbeat children's book. And so is that that's that's I have been kind of thinking about this idea, like, you switch from, like, I guess it's kind of like Wizard of Oz in a way, like this, but like black and white into color, you know, Star Trek with nuclear.

01:19:27:17 - 01:19:49:11
Unknown
Yeah. I can't wait to see that cartoon or children's book. Yeah. Thank you very much, Matthew. Appreciate your time. I appreciate your wisdom and sharing it with the rest of us. Look forward to our continued friendship, by the way. But I'm excited to post this because I feel like it's definitely a topic that we haven't talked about directly on the show.

01:19:49:13 - 01:20:09:21
Unknown
Leadership. Just showing up for people in that leadership role and leading, guiding, inspiring. So I'm fascinated by it, and I'm glad I finally got to talk about it at in-depth with someone who actually gets to also practice it as well in your career and your job and your side gig and your main gig and all your gigs.

01:20:09:23 - 01:20:17:03
Unknown
And thank you so much, Yvette. It's been a true pleasure, an honor to spend this time with you. Teevee. Thank you. Fantastic. Bye bye.