Fifty and Fabulous: Celebrating Life’s Relationships and Revelations

00:00:00:02 - 00:00:23:20
Hey, everyone. Big news. I just turned 50 a week from today. It's her fifth year on September 7th. I didn't realize it was that big a deal. I mean, I kind of did. 50 is a big number. You know, it's when you're young that's really, really old. 30 years old. 40 is really old. And then there's 50, which is really, really, really old.

00:00:23:22 - 00:00:46:20
It's old. I'm here now, and I don't think. Is that old, but it's old enough, and it's definitely a landmark. Leading up to my birthday. It was. I was starting to feel weird things. I was getting memories pop up. I had 1 or 2, maybe two emotional breakdowns during the week. Things that I hadn't thought of since I was a child, which were insane.

00:00:46:22 - 00:01:17:11
Revelations of sorts. But aside from that, I tend to not celebrate my birthday. Now, for the last few years, it just was a thing because, as a child, I wasn't celebrated like that. And I want to make sure to differentiate this. Like, obviously, my parents would wish me a happy birthday, I think. And as we got older, we did have a, a custom, a ritual where on our birthdays, I think in our 20s over, we'd have a dinner, with the family.

00:01:17:13 - 00:01:38:22
So I definitely want to make sure to point that out. I'm not saying that I don't. I didn't get at least some sort of moment to celebrate me. And with the family, which I love. And now in the last ten years probably is less of that because my, my father's, attack and just the circumstances within the family just being kind of tricky and sticky.

00:01:39:00 - 00:01:57:06
But I've never had a party to celebrate me where? Without friends and family. And as a child, I really wanted it. I did, of course, because other people were getting it. And I know now that my parents couldn't afford it. It really is that simple. And then on top of that, I don't think they knew what that look like.

00:01:57:06 - 00:02:16:07
And I think just the idea of bringing my friends together would have been fantastic. Like where, hey, come, come hang out for the birthday or whatever. But as I got older, I made it a thing to where I would not celebrate my birthday. I would intentionally remove the birthday from my, from my Facebook, for example, to remove it.

00:02:16:09 - 00:02:35:18
So that way nobody would even know that it's my birthday. That's how far out I would go. And then I started, like, looking inside and realizing I actually kind of want people to tell me at least happy birthday. Is that a bad thing? I don't know. But my girlfriend of six years now, my fiancee fiancee of six year old has been answer for six years.

00:02:35:18 - 00:02:55:00
But my girlfriend of six years, has been asking. She wants to celebrate me. She loves me. She thinks I'm a good human. She wants to bring my people together. And I've declined of, in fact, demanded that she not do anything. Don't even surprise me because I will be mad. But this year, a six, seven months ago, beginning of the year, something came to me and I said, you know what?

00:02:55:02 - 00:03:25:11
I do want a birthday. Let's do it. Let's let's have a birthday party. Let's make up me a big deal. And boy, did she ever. She she ran with it. She she planned it front to back. It was an amazing experience. She hadn't been picked up in a Mercedes. An old 1933, 1934 long Mercedes that she negotiated with someone like the fact that she found it and then had me chauffeured over there and it, got me all dressed up.

00:03:25:15 - 00:03:50:03
Unknown
Our family was here over the weekend, so they got to participate. And at the party she made it a magnificent experience. She got a big ass TV in the entrance as you come towards the entrance, when you come in, so you can use it as a photo opportunity. We had photographers, had two DJs, had, bartenders had my family, close family and friends of about 88.

00:03:50:03 - 00:04:11:19
Unknown
And I think overall maybe 80 showed up, 120 were invited, 100 RSVP, I think it was 80 showed up. And it was a fantastic, fantastic experience, one that I I've never felt before. Part of me feels a little ashamed to like, try to celebrate me after like, all this. But then there's another part of me says, dude, you deserve it.

00:04:11:21 - 00:04:35:17
Unknown
You deserve to be honored. I deserve to be honored. I am, I've built these relationships. And why should they not come together? And the fact that they came, the fact that you came, if you're watching this video is magnificent to me. It's it's it makes me feel incredibly emotional again. I tend to be, if you haven't already noticed, on this, on this channel, on this podcast, I'm a very emotional dude.

00:04:35:18 - 00:05:13:18
Unknown
But at the same time, I'm also, on point, like when it's time to show up or if I'm performing. So I'm doing a, like some type of workshop or if I'm on the job, I'm not going to get sentimental. I'm probably the most stoic person in the room. And I was actually curious to know if I was going to get emotional, if I was going to be more performing, in a sense, because I had so many people there, and I had to bounce around and I have confirmed, because this is after 2 or 3 parties where I would have regularly got emotional if I'm just being, but I did and only

00:05:13:18 - 00:05:31:11
Unknown
a couple of times when I was on the microphone, doing a little performing, little, analysis, and I started to mention people in the room that are the only thing that I did. I get nervous then. Did I get emotional, didn't cry or anything, but I could feel my mind, And I'm not even embarrassed by it.

00:05:31:13 - 00:06:08:06
Unknown
It's not because I'm trying to keep you down. Because there's a job to be done. There's people here that are eating there. Being that came a long way to to connect. So I'm bouncing around, bouncing around. So I never felt like I was going to fall or anything like that. My daughter did do a, she kind of, had to do a little improvizational speech of sorts where she had to kill time as champagne glasses were being passed around and cake and watching her do her thing and to speak and share some thoughts and kind of note the the fact that they've all these individuals, most of these individuals in the room

00:06:08:08 - 00:06:32:11
Unknown
had washed her and her sister grow up, so she has a personal bond with them. Then she got emotional animals that we got with, she said. Like, I'm getting emotional. Then I did I did get emotional. The party itself was a fantastic demonstration for me of the life that I've built. There's so many good people in the room that one of the challenges that I gave the people is like, reach out to each other.

00:06:32:15 - 00:06:48:21
Unknown
Just you have, an opening line. You have an opening, line of dialog to use. It's like, how do they how do you know Teevee was the dumbest thing? These are. Excuse me. What's the dumbest thing he's ever said to you was the smartest. What kind of impact has he made on your life? Or how do you know each other?

00:06:48:21 - 00:07:07:19
Unknown
Right. So there should be no strangers in the room. Please talk to each other. It's really normal birthday parties for that to be a thing. At any parties like the groups, various groups kind of start. You start self segregating, which is the weirdest thing. But it's such a human nature thing that we do. We find comfort in people that look like a sound, like us.

00:07:07:21 - 00:07:28:17
Unknown
Oh, people, there's an old people table. Older people table. Sorry. There's my family group. There's the dancer group. There was the the Latino group. There was an African-American group. Then there was also there were mixing and I, I was it. Oh, I got, so many friends from so many parts of the world. And for me, that was fantastic.

00:07:28:19 - 00:07:48:06
Unknown
I mean, I also loved it that my family got to witness that, that they got to see the life that I have built in the friendships that I have. It's funny because the next day, my sister, since some pictures from like 25 years ago, from the year 2000 when we had a little bitty party, a little party, we did have a couple friends come over.

00:07:48:07 - 00:08:02:03
Unknown
Big Mac was in the room and another friend was there, and my nephew, who was 3 or 4 at the time, wanted a party. He insisted on having a party and so we threw a little party for me. It makes me feel mad though, because she did throw a little party. Okay, sister, I'm sorry you threw a party for me.

00:08:02:03 - 00:08:21:18
Unknown
I love you. It was a little party, but it was a party in the class. And that was all the friends I had. Essentially, that was my core group. I had two guys. So fast forward 25 years, and I have, like, this room full of humans. And it was it was good. It was a good, landmark.

00:08:21:20 - 00:08:40:18
Unknown
I think it's good for people allow people to give and. Yeah, I guess and a couple of people actually said this to me, allow people to give you that, give you your flowers to commemorate you and the impact. And it was good to, to have people tell me that because it's, I don't know about you, but me, I wonder what what I've done with my life.

00:08:40:20 - 00:08:59:11
Unknown
Has it has it even mattered? And a handful of people told me that I do, that I've had a major influence on their life, that I've. I've navigate it or they've come to me and I've helped coach them up a little bit or and encouraged them in their various, endeavors. Because I am I'm a big cheerleader. I'm a big cheerleader.

00:08:59:11 - 00:09:22:17
Unknown
I didn't have that growing up, and I know that I would have loved it. So whenever I meet someone and they're telling me what they're thinking, what they could do or not do, I try to encourage them one way or another. I encourage them to to pursue the the passion to pursue their the little dream that they might have to pursue, whatever it might be, as long as obviously the reason why I try to encourage them, try to give them the pitfalls if necessary.

00:09:22:17 - 00:09:41:16
Unknown
But worst case scenario, just just try is that's what life is about. And people gave me that note on, on on a couple of occasions like that, I had a major impact on their lives. I walked away with a ton of, liquor load of bourbon because it was on the list. And that was crazy.

00:09:41:21 - 00:10:07:15
Unknown
I open up my own bar because it's kind of an idea I have is having a bar and a dance, studio place where we could bring in dancers and bring in the musicians as well, to dance and to connect through music. And, dance and culture. That's amazing. One of the things I notice for myself, and something I want to share with you guys, is the next day, I felt a little different.

00:10:07:17 - 00:10:27:09
Unknown
I was curious of what that would feel like when I, as it's one thing to feel something, it's another thing to do something. So I've been feeling something come up and it's been going on for a while. Like, I feel like there's more to my life. Obviously I've hit this mark. I've hit basically all my goals that I had when I was 20, 30 and 40.

00:10:27:09 - 00:10:49:17
Unknown
Like I've blown them away. By most accounts, I'm very successful and I am, and I'm really, happy. Like, I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt. I am a very, very happy little man. I have my challenges. I have my dreams and goals. I'm getting married and have children. This is crazy. So I have all these other things, but I am very happy.

00:10:49:17 - 00:11:07:00
Unknown
I have a beautiful life and on. But there has been these things bubbling, and, I'm curious as to what. What's next? Right? What's the next level to this entire thing called life? I don't know what that is just yet. I'm still working on that. Like I'm still working my job too. I'm exploring too. I mean, what do they call it?

00:11:07:06 - 00:11:33:20
Unknown
Research and development. R&D is a research and what I think. So I'm an R&D model where I'm trying different things, and I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to move the business, where I'm going to move my mind, where I'm going to move my efforts, my capital. But one thing that came up is, oh, wait, let me see, I haven't I needed I'm not want to take a more primary role in being the elder in the family and being the older one in the family, and which is crazy.

00:11:33:20 - 00:11:50:01
Unknown
So I reached out to all my nephews and nieces, and basically said, hey, I love you. Not all of them. I said, I'm sorry. Some of them reach out some more. So I was more I'm going to reach out today. Tell them I love whether they were there at the party or not somewhere. So we're not.

00:11:50:03 - 00:12:11:00
Unknown
And I love you. I want to get to know you better. I think the truth is, we don't know people. Well, we might know a cousin. Hell, even our siblings, we might know them, but we don't know them, if you know what I mean. So we might know them as surface level. I run into them at parties, hang out, maybe make a few jokes, talk about sports.

00:12:11:00 - 00:12:37:07
Unknown
But we don't know what what they're going through. Depth as opposed to with, like, going deep into, you know, knowing each other, having the opportunity to know each other, creating those conversations. Because when you're at parties, you can't go deep. You've got people running around, children, in-laws, parents, whatever. Kids. You don't know each other. And I want to change that.

00:12:37:07 - 00:13:02:11
Unknown
I want to create a culture, especially within my family and my circle, where we go deep, where they go deeper. We want to, knowing that you have a connection to me. Some for nephews, nieces. Reaching out and saying, hey, I'm a resource. Lean into me a little bit, ask me questions. I'm the key being I need you to ask.

00:13:02:11 - 00:13:20:17
Unknown
I'm not just going to be preaching to you. That's one thing I've always avoided because I don't want to be that preachy uncle that says there's a leader and there's an in my generation. So as long as a bunch of crap, frankly, but I letting them come to me, creating that connection, being first where I go to them.

00:13:20:23 - 00:13:37:17
Unknown
Well, I mean, I'm trying to establish this connection and then opening up the, the pathway for dialog, the connection for dialog in my I'm an open book. I've lived a lot of life at this point, and I'm going to live much more. I have a lot of lessons, and if you ask the right question, you're going to get anything from me.

00:13:37:17 - 00:14:01:12
Unknown
Frankly, I'm not. I have I have things that I'm not proud of, but at the same time, I'm not ashamed that I'm done in my life because I made some mistakes. I feel like there's there's value in that. And that's the big lesson that I really wanted, big point I wanted to make to them. They're like, hey, I wish I had someone like me, to advise or just say, hey, man, I have this thing that I'm thinking about.

00:14:01:12 - 00:14:27:15
Unknown
Is it something that I should consider? And obviously then walking them through that like, well, maybe, you know, and that's on me to create that, expose them to different things, expose them to the world in a way that most of us are not exposed to until later in life. So, that I think is something I really want to push more because for the most part, I was telling my girlfriend this I used to really love account when my calendar is like really empty.

00:14:27:17 - 00:14:51:17
Unknown
It's just me, you know? It's just me doing my work and being happy. This particular week, especially after my 50th birthday, is slammed. I has so many conversations with so many people I know, and then I also send thank you notes to everyone that was at the party. You know, thank you voice notes to obviously show a little more appreciation as a parting.

00:14:51:17 - 00:15:11:14
Unknown
Thank you. So yeah. And and I also extended that out to my in-laws, the, the family I'm about to marry into my, my, my girlfriend's, family, I think. And this is with everyone, by the way, the the only way that you know me, gossip goes around and stories get created about the other people. Oh, they don't like me.

00:15:11:14 - 00:15:32:06
Unknown
All he thinks he's better than me. Oh, you know, he got mad at me. Oh, all these things are. Can only these stories, these, tensions can only be created and can only live in the dark. And when there is no connection, what I mean by that is, if we don't have a one on one connection, then you don't really know me.

00:15:32:06 - 00:15:51:10
Unknown
You. Like I said, with you running to each other, parties, you go, maybe you hang out, but it's in large groups. You don't have a one on one connection, a one on one relationship. And understanding each other's story. Like where I come from. Where do you come from? What do you what have you been through? How do you survive this hug, right?

00:15:51:10 - 00:16:15:10
Unknown
Knowing each other a little more intimately. If you don't know that, then it's easier to start creating stories and inventing. You know the stories about what the other person is thinking. Oh, that person this and I and I, I'm not a fan of that. I don't care to participate. I don't want to get to a place with everyone in my family in laws, as well as my sisters and my cousins and my nephews and their in-laws.

00:16:15:10 - 00:16:39:02
Unknown
I'm going to know me, know me, know my story. So that how this is kind of what I really have taken away from, like as I've come to this place, is like one of those big. Although duh lessons is all that drama can only exist if you don't have the guts to talk to each other and sit down and then get to know each other.

00:16:39:04 - 00:17:11:14
Unknown
It can be intimidating, of course, but it's not supposed to be that. It's just humans talking and getting to know each other. So if you don't, then it's easier for that stuff to live in the last piece. So this is and if you have a relationship with each other, if there is a connection, a bond of some sort, some level of transparency and vulnerability, if that exists between people, then we can each easily go to each other and say, hey, bro, you said this thing that really bothered me, or what did you mean by that?

00:17:11:16 - 00:17:37:04
Unknown
Can you explain that? We don't we can actually have those conversations as opposed to leaving and then creating this fictitious story about what a person say, what they meant, and how insulted or offended you are and blah, blah, blah. And that to me, that's silly. Foolish, and it doesn't really help the relationship and the family. And I hate it.

00:17:37:06 - 00:17:58:01
Unknown
I just hate it. I don't I'm not going to participate. So I am doing this to talk to everyone imaginable, and create those within my family and within my partner's family to make sure that we all understand where Teevee is. Because I'm many things, I'm not perfect, but at the same time I am. I'm perfectly me.

00:17:58:01 - 00:18:17:05
Unknown
But I may say things that may offend. I may say stories. I get it, I'm. I'm older and obnoxious at times, and I'm kind of a jokester too. So I may say things and sometimes I need to be have somebody I'd rather somebody tapped me on the shoulder say, yo, let's let's sit down. Can we talk? Because I really, I have something to talk to you about.

00:18:17:07 - 00:18:43:12
Unknown
We said that thing. You said that thing. And I know you did this thing, whatever that may be. We can talk. We have open dialog. Let's just think, for the most part, that's what's missing. So what ends up being done is we start just gossiping. Screw that. Anyways, that's my big realization. I'm having so many conversations with so many people and realizing that I've been bottling myself up.

00:18:43:12 - 00:19:04:19
Unknown
Now my calendar is pretty full. I actually conversations really fulfill me in many ways. I get to know people, their worldview, what they've been through, understanding how they move and why they move the way they do. And to me, that that's insightful because now I understand and then I can have more grace and not be such a a jerk.

00:19:04:19 - 00:19:27:06
Unknown
I don't think I am, but less of a jerk. I see the guys and my challenge to you is, first is look inside in in the relationships, or you might have some tension. Are you is there a line of communication? Is there a vulnerability other than and I obviously there might be communication. You might be arguing.

00:19:27:07 - 00:19:51:18
Unknown
So that's a good line of communication. But as one that's not actually yielding a positive result. Are you understanding each other. Are you understanding each each other's story where you came from? I grew up how you developed your mindset, your your worldview. And those are the conversations that I think can really, knowing those things, because you can see it in movies when seeing all person's backstory, it's like, oh, I get it, blah blah, blah.

00:19:51:20 - 00:20:22:03
Unknown
Even evil people in the movies get get a pass. The villains, because now, you know, their, their, their backstory is like, oh my God, that makes sense, right? We want to let's do better, is what I'm saying kind of create those opportunities with your people? And honestly, if you can't create that, I'll end it here. And you're in a situation where you have to, like the other person just refuses to, then at some point, you you just have to cut that relationship off or keep it at a distance because there are individuals like that, right?

00:20:22:05 - 00:20:40:21
Unknown
I have some of those in my family that are toxic and hateful and mean spirited, and they the the idea of having a conversation when you're trying to get to know each other is stupid to them, and that's fine, I get it. That's their opinion of how I think people should move in the world as far as they see see it.

00:20:40:21 - 00:21:04:12
Unknown
And you know what? I'll honor that and I'll step away. I can force my my will or my my presence on people. So it's step away lovingly. That's it's it's okay. So, 50 years old, I'll be sharing more stories, about this pocket that I'm in. My my parents are 80 ish, and I've talked about them in the past.

00:21:04:13 - 00:21:25:07
Unknown
There's more around that as well as my girls. They're in their 20s. My parents are in their 80s, and I'm in the 15 step, a lot of a lot of young men out there. Parents, know what that feels like and try to navigate that. And you have these two people in these two groups are dependent on you or need you in some way, and you're trying to figure out your right.

00:21:25:09 - 00:21:44:06
Unknown
All right. Thank you very much for tuning in. My name is Teevee. And that's that. Be good. Make sure to watch this video. I don't know what it's about, but I'm sure it's fantastic. If you want to continue down this rabbit hole of Teevee isms. Until next time, this is a Better becoming Better Ancestors podcast. I appreciate you and you have a good day.

00:21:44:10 - 00:21:44:18
Unknown
Bye.