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March 29, 2022

Becoming Comfortable with Life's Bloody Reality - A Story for Girl Dads

#Girldad started trending and became cool. But showing up is more than hashtags and feeling good about ourselves. It requires us to grow up and man up. 

Let's talk about some of the awkward conversations we need to start having with our daughters early on. 

Spoken Word poem mentioned in podcast:
Dominique Christina - The Period Poem 


Today's episode of the podcast. I want to discuss the context behind one of my recent pieces titled "Becoming Comfortable with Life's Bloody Reality a Story for GirlDads" right off the top. This piece is really specifically dedicated to fathers who are fathers to two girls to females. I never realized just how much stigma women have to go through behind something that is absolutely natural in being a female and being. Not until I years ago, I actually discovered this little poem. I'm a big fan of spoken word poetry. And if you read my blog or listen to the podcast, any length, you know that I absolutely love it. And it's something I've encouraged my girls to do. So I came across this particular poet a few years back, Dominique Christina and her piece titled the: the period Poem. It is an absolutely beautiful piece. It's empowering, it's encouraging. It gave me the, it made me realize how bad it can be for young ladies for women in general, for young ladies specifically, because they're still figuring out what to do what's going on with our bodies. And to think that. Females could possibly be stigmatized. It could be seen as negative. It could be that boys could shame them in any way or men was flabbergasting to me. So upon reading or listening to that, I sat my girls down and had a conversation with them. And there were, at the time there must have been like 12 and nine, 13. Let me see, 13 and 11, there were young. I wanted them to know that under no circumstances, were they ever to be, was it ever allowed? Or should they ever feel shame rather for having a period because they were coming into that period of their lives, where they were going to be introduced to this thing called the menstruation and I wanted them to know from me, their father, there was absolutely no shame in the entire thing. It is very natural and these are things keep in mind that I shouldn't have to explain, but because the world and people are weird and things happen as a child, they don't know what they don't know. They don't know, their bodies are learning their bodies or figuring things out. So if we, as parents, don't and fathers, don't get in front of these things ahead of time, they are going to be stigmatized there. I'm sorry. There are going to take that shame on and feel bad about things that are absolutely natural. So this piece made me aware of that, and this actually leads me on to this other big thought that I have a lot, which is I am a a dude. I have two daughters. And I was actually asked this on a podcast. What was the biggest challenge as a father? And for me, it was not knowing. A lot about women. I know some, obviously I've studied health and I've dated women, but that is by no means, but that does not mean that I know women or the body intimately to that point. And to the point of understanding it as a female. So I depend and rely on. Keeping my eyes open paying attention to what women are discussing and sharing and troubles. And the trauma they're you're trying to overcome as adults. So I think to myself, what can I do? What conversations can I have? What awarenesses do I need to put in front of my daughters? Do I need to make for my daughters to ensure that these things don't become traumas for them moving into the future. My period piece the becoming comfortable with lifeblood reality is my way of addressing that. And in this case, calling out men and fathers of girl dads to stand up and to not be ashamed of it themselves, because it's something that I've heard, unfortunately, something that I've heard over the years. Fathers won't have those conversations with their daughters, fathers won't stand up. And this is not to say that it's all fathers and all dads. I would venture to say that a lot of dads are stepping up more, big time for their children and especially for young ladies, for their daughters which makes me extremely happy. However, I think we still could do better. And this is my way of actually. Putting it out there, step up because one day your daughter or daughters, is if you have more than one, would likely have children. They will have a child, and that will be birthed in blood. Don't be ashamed of going out to the store and getting tampons for your daughter. Don't be ashamed of having conversations around the bloody mess that is a menstruation, letting them know that you are there to support them. I know my daughter is at times have had accidents and that's one of the things that is really difficult for young ladies is sometimes. The thing just comes out of nowhere and if they're not prepared and didn't think about it, they're going to be in a awkward situation. Your daughter's going to have trouble talking to you about it. She's going to have trouble admitting that something's going on. And that to me is sad. So dads step up, own it. Become leaders for your for your daughters, become the heroes that they see us as. Just by simply being present, being aware and not being awkward around things that make us uncomfortable. We're men for crying out loud. We cry all the time about how strong and tough we are, but when it comes to tough conversations and tough moments like this that make us feel a little weak. We cower and I think we can do better than that. This is when you need to step up. That's the truth to me. The true definition of man is stepping up when you don't know what to do, just not brute force is not kicking people's butts. It's not beating people up. It is showing up in the most intimate and awkward and vulnerable moments, especially for our daughter. That's what this piece is about. I'll let you read it on the blog post on the actual site, but I wanted to give you the context behind it and the need for us as men to show up for our daughters as grow dads, be present, be involved be supportive because, and this is something that you're going to hear from me a lot. And that is that. These moments are the ones that are going to define our relationships with our daughters. These are defining moments. And if we don't show up the way we should, it would be hard to come back from them. I'm sure we can. I'm sure we can apologize. But if you don't show up in these specifically hard moments when they're learning their bodies and things are happening, if you don't show up now, The story that will be told and will be remembered will not be one that benefits you. It will be one that puts you in a terrible position. And then the sad thing, you're going to wonder why your child doesn't talk to you as they get older. Is it because you didn't show up in the moments that mattered? Don't do that dads. Don't do that to them. Be awesome. Be present, be you and be loving above all and begin anted to start nurturing that you will start nurturing a relationship that lives for generations. That's it for today.. Thank you very much. Make sure to subscribe to the podcast and until next time have a great day. My name is Teevee with the Teevee Show Podcast Buh-bye.